Thursday, August 1, 2013

Doggy Paddle

It was a rainy day with nothing to do.  We had to find something or the kids would resort to killing each other slowly.  And not with kindness either.  That's when we found it, in the paper.  Peak Performance: K9 Sports.  Because I just don't do enough carting kids around during what I call the chauffeur years. Which overlaps generously with the bake sale years. Dude, I'm just doggy paddling trying to keep my head above water over here.  But yes, I really think we should get our dogs Bonnie and Clyde involved in sports.  It will teach them self-esteem and perseverance.  Maybe that's only what it does for kids.   God, I just hope they don't shit in the pool.   

Bonnie was skeptical at first.  Peering off the dock into the empty pool.  She'd already been intimidated by Diamond.  Who's got a flashy expensive stripper name.  And she's a professional.  Not a stripper, a dock jumper.

Bonnie worked through all the self deprecating voices in her head. Then, focused on Jade's voice calling her from in the pool.  And she wanted that camouflage octopus toy like it was a hit of crack.  Turns out she has grace and poise in the water.  Especially the way her and Jade swam together in the water.  Hmmmm. I  imagine a bathing cap and nose plugs and intricately choreographed splashes and inversions.  Maybe I'll start my own dog synchronized swim team.  (It was my high school sport after all.)  If Clyde's on board...

Clyde must not realize he's a Labrador Retriever, which means he's a water dog.  Apparently he doesn't know that because he's got aqua phobia.  He didn't care who was in the water or what toy they had.  All he cared about were the snacks coaxing him near the water.

You see, Clyde isn't so much an athlete or an achiever.  He likes to have a good time and a good nap.
That's where the party's at for him.

Now maybe if they stuffed that octopus with some pot Clyde would go in the water to go get it.  Maybe.  But, he wouldn't go do it again for sure. Of course, snacks would be required.

Check out the article in the Gazette Monday, August 5th on Peak Performance featuring our family.


Anonymous said...


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Love, Laurie

Leah Griffith said...

LOL! Marie, only you! Keep living large and recording it for the cowards who only dream of pulling the shit you pull. Doggy sports! said...

You reminded me of my dog who used to swim in the ocean (usually without waiting for us to know that is where he was :-) ). On really hot days, he'd jump the five foot fence and meander to the ocean and spend 10 minutes to an hour (depending upon how long it was before we realized he had escaped). Let me tell you washing salt water off a thick-haired dog was an interesting chore. (We debated letting his stay that way once or twice- hoping he'd learn the errors of his ways...but, never followed through on that idea.)

Sandra said...

Oh my goodness woman! Please come mother my children and my dogs! We just got a bunny to add to the merriment...I got it in a sleep deprived state. Now I'm thinking rabbit stew might be good for supper. I can't work and be a parent at the same time. I impulse shop too much. You are amazing!

The Loerzels said...

@ Laurie-Thank you so much!
@ Leah-All this and cleaning up dog diarrhea from the slate floor for the last 48 hours!
@ Roy-Sounds more fun than cleaning diarrhea off the floor. So, I'm gonna say I win.
@ Sandra-I might have to take a kid out of a sport to keep the dogs in theirs. Hmmmmmm.....what to do.

Blogger said...

I've just installed iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.


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