Thursday, August 25, 2016

Olympic Sized Wedgie

PC:  Brazil Women's Beach Volleyball Team/Flickr
I can't believe the Olympics are over.  No more watching gymnastics, diving, swimming, track & field and beach volleyball.  And contemplating how beach volleyball bikini bottoms can be universally flattering on women from all over the world. I mean even if you're a ridiculously fit athlete, finding bikini bottoms with the right fit is a huge feat in itself.  Not that I want to diminish the amazing feats of athleticism women achieve while wearing them.   I don't at all.  In fact, it makes what they do even more amazing.  It's just that I can't figure out how it's humanly possible that more women athletes aren't picking Olympic-sized wedgies out of their butts.


Is there double-sided tape involved?  What about rogue tampon strings?  And seriously, white tiny bottoms?  That's a Tampax commercial waiting to happen.  And what about plumber's crack?  How do they perform with the constant threat of a (world wide televised) wardrobe malfunction?

There was only one way to find out.  

Delusional because I was high on the Olympic spirit, I shopped for some beach volleyball bikini bottoms.  Because I'm an amateur athlete who performs in bikini bottoms, I'm always looking for another pair.  Preferably ones that make my butt look good.  Because I work my butt off for this butt.  And who doesn't want their butt to look good?  Exactly.  No one.  So, I got on Amazon and put a pair of skimpy skivvies in the cart.  Then I decided this whole thing was a stupid waste of money and decided not to order them.  But, then my husband did some Amazon shopping and ordered everything in the cart.  Including the Asics bikini bottoms I didn't delete from the cart.

Now for the test.

Would they make my butt look good?  And could I dance in them without a wardrobe malfunction? Time to take them for a spin.

And now I know the secret of women athletes everywhere who don't pull wedgies out of their butts. Turns out it's pretty simple.  Be so invested in what you're doing that the last thing you're thinking about is whether or not you have a wedgie.  Just do what you love and wear what makes you feel good when you do.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

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