Monday, August 26, 2013

Gettin' Dirty

When I last left you, I was feeling a bit down.  But, don't worry, that's all turned around.  Not because I got a literary agent mind you.  Because I didn't.   But, because of you, my faithful readers, who wrote sent me kind messages of support. And no matter if I get an agent, a publisher or not, I will publish my book my damn self if I have to.  Eventually.

 I'm playin' dirty now!  No more Ms. Half-Canadian Nicegirl. Which means, I'm totally whoring it up with photos, especially on Twitter!  Ok, not totally slutty.  Semi-whoring, that's befitting of a 43 year old wife and a mother of four with the goal of promoting my writing.  So, sexy-funny-with a purpose, yes.  Sexy-gratuitous-stupid with a floater in the toilet in the background, no.

Please notice, there is no floater in my toilet!

So last week I  wasted countless hours trying to accumulate my Twitter following.  But increasing my following three-fold isn't all I accomplished last week.  No, I've stepped up my pole dance game.  And have mastered two new moves I couldn't do last week.  Ok, "mastered" might not be the word.  But I can do them half-assed with a really pained wince on my face, so of course, I've added them to my routine. For my recital in just two weeks time.  I have the bruises all over my legs and feet as proof of my extra practice hours.  But, courtesy of that stupid Canadian mail order pharmacy, I also have a blister that resembles a vagina!

See!  You know it does!
And let me just confirm that whacking your toe-gina on a pole is painful, but getting your vagina is excruciating.  I contemplated popping it.  The toe-gina, for clarification.  But, I new that sucker was going to pop on it's own.  When we did the Dirty Dash.  Another fantastic photo op to whore it up on Twitter.  But, unfortunately, though I was completely covered in mud, I'm so pale, it just made me look tan.  With that perfect olive skin tone I've always wanted.

Damn it, I got out dirtied!
So, I had to crop Craig out of the Twitter picture, because he totally looks dirtier than me and my caption "I'm a very dirty girl" just didn't work with him in it either.

But, by far, the dirtiest thing that happened this week didn't have anything to do with any of this.  And this is where it turns sinister.

It happened to Sky, who in his first week of high school, witnessed his first drug deal right in front of his locker. In the form of a big white brick.  It seems Heroin may be the school song.   But my theme song is Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. Let this be a warning to all the drug dealers,  don't fuck with my kids cause I haven't even begun to get dirty yet!  


Carol Tomany said...

The drug deal is really scary!!

Caro Ness said...

I agree with Carol, that's scary!

Ann Mullen said...

Marie you look real good for a forty something mother of 4.

But you really need to see a doctor about that blister. I know you are young, but I have seen enough foot wounds that are slow to heal and can cause serious things to happen.

As for your son and what he saw--that would be enough for me to start homeschooling. People doing drugs lose their inhibitions and can hurt your son. That is so scary. said...

I always love reading your blog, Marie, because it thrusts and veers (double-entendre intended)in random directions and leaves me in laughter.
Go get em!

Carolina HeartStrings said...

Big white brick! Wow.... I can only imagine what that blister looks like popped!

Suerae Stein said...

Okay, that toe-gina blister and that drug deal in front of your child are freaking me out. And I agree with Ann - you look great for the number of children you have!

The Loerzels said...

@ the Caro(ls)-I may set up a drug testing site outside the school doors.
@ Ann- My husband is a doctor. He's the one who ordered the Canadian Pharmacy crap for me!
@ Roy-Have no doubt I will take them down! In mud or or a pole or balancing a sword on my head...
@ Carolina-Gross! It looks like a deflated vagina now.
@ Suerae-Thanks.... they're adopted, fyi.

Leah Griffith said...

Glad you're feeling better Marie, although I'd have that toe looked at. Blah!
Writing is a solitary thing where you pour your heart out on paper...but that isn't enough. Once emptied you must sell your heart on every social network available. You must beg, grovel, crawl, and play dead. It ain't pretty...well in your case it is pretty (except for the toes) in my case, so much. LOL!

I keep telling you that you're amazing. Why won't you believe me? Go kick some dirty twitter pole ass, oh and while you're at it get those drug dealers too!

MuMuGB said...

Ok, if my daughter had witnessed what your son saw, I would be ballistic. I admire your calm, and the fact that your son talked to you about it is great. Well done!
As for publishing a book, you need to connect with Sonia ( She is great and has been through the whole process herself.

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.


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