Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Debbie Downer



I don't like to burden you with my insecurities. So, I usually make it a point not to. Not today though. You see, a few weeks ago I sent out queries to literary agents.  Like a hunderd of them.  Seeking an agent, who could get me one step closer to being a published author a la the traditional route.  Which is a huge fucking pain in the ass and a huge fucking blow to my already low self esteem.

So, now, while my work is being considered by potential agents, more likely, sitting at the bottom of a huge toppling pile of manuscripts, I am sitting in wait.  Agents have the job of not only determining that your potential book is worth reading.  They also have to consider if the market is saturated with that genre of books.  Which of course the memoir market is.  Not only that, agents are also gauging the future writing and earning potential of your second book and beyond. Of course, they get a cut of all of this, so they're taking a gamble on whomever they take on as a client, but especially for first time authors.  You simply need to be the whole package.  A solid writer, personable, engaging, social media savvy and have impeccable timing with the market.  It doesn't hurt if you know someone either.

What you should know about me is I am shitty at sitting in wait. Horrible. Abomidable. Near tragic. Because silence makes my head spin. And I over think things and get a bit Debbie Downer. Especially now that my kids are back to school this week. Providing even more uninterupted silence. A blessing and a curse at the same time.

I was talking to my friend Suzanne on the phone the other day, one of my closest and dearest friends and also one of the biggest supporters of my writing. Confessing to her that I wanted to make some changes, albeit small ones, to my manuscript, which is already out there sitting in that massive pile on someone's desk.  Or  trash can. I'm naturally an antsy person who doesn't do nothing well.  Plus, as a writer, you can't write anything that can't be improved upon. Someway. Somehow. "Don't do it!", she warned. And she's right. I know she is. "Start writing something else", she advised. Again, I know she's right. But, I'm just not ready for that quite yet. I feel I need to be out there fighting the fight for my baby,  Rock the Kasbah:  A Memoir of Misadventure, the book, in some capacity.  Although, I don't know exactly what to do at this point.

That's when I turned to Twitter. I admit it, I'm an awkward social media misfit.  But one of the things agents look at in clients is social media prowess.   They want someone who brings something to the party.  Namely, facebook friends and twitter followers.  AKA:  potential book buyers. And I've been so engrossed in writing, that I've neglected to whore myself out adequately.  Now,  that I have more time to flush down the toilet, I'm wasting it on Twitter trying not to be a wallflower.  Playing the social media game to try to attract more followers.  Although I will not play Candy Crush. Or have every tweet consist of the word fuck.   I have my principles people.  I'm doing this on my own terms.   In the hopes that this results in more exposure for my writing.  Not gratuitous cleavage shots.  Wait.  Hmmmm.

What I've discovered is Twitter is like a big orgy with a fully stocked bar and a drug dealer.  And once again, I just don't seem to fit in. It's like high school all over again. I fucking hated high school. And once again, I feel like the introverted, awkward basket case from the Breakfast Club. Which is what I truly am.  Don't get me wrong, it's not like I want to fit in.  I'm finally at peace with my complete dorkdom.  Fuck it! I am who I am.  You either get me or you don't.   Love me or hate me.  (Also, as an aside, the popular girls seem to get knocked up.  Or get crabs.  And I don't want either of those.)

It's just that I always believed in the end that substance would prevail over the big fucking popularity contest.  But I'm starting to question that now.  After all, I've read some pretty crappy books that I can't believe were published by big name publishing companies.  Well, mind you, I didn't waste my time reading them all the way through.  And I've read some self published authors who are fucking fantastic and should have been published and promoted by the big wigs, but weren't.  Their loss I guess.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm saying I'm the next Tolstoy, Mitchner or Solzhenitzyn.  (By the way, I fucking love Aleksandr Solzhenitzyn!  However, I'm fairly sure there is no Solzhenitzyn twitter  hashtag.) What I am is the underdog.  A tenacious chihuahua.  Ok, I'm nothing like a little yappy fucking spazy dog. I'm more like a bull dog.  With an enormous drool loogey hanging from my mouth. I'm real.  Warts and all.  And seriously, I do have some warts right now.  Not genital warts, mind you.  And this shit I ordered from the Canadian pharmacy doesn't seem to be doing shit for me.

So if you'll excuse me, I need to go be the Janeane Garofalo-esque girl standing in the corner at the Twitter orgy now.  You can follow me there at Rock the Kasbah@Marie Loerzel.  We can start our own Solzhenitzyn hashtag or Debbie Downer one.  Whatever.  Oh, don't forget to like my Rock the Kasbah facebook page.


15 comments:

Cerebrations.biz said...

Ah, the things we do to become the things we want...
Hang in there, Marie, we're here for you...

Chantel said...

I'm cheering you on, all the way across the country...swear. *looking for pom poms*

Not sure I can pull off that damn skirt though....

Carol Tomany said...

Best of luck - sorry to hear the Canadian drug dealer let you down. Well, we can be a little wishy washy :)

Carolina HeartStrings said...

Hard to be successful without any whoring. Sad but seems to be reality. Is there really an honest, worthwhile politician? You're a hoot and off to like your fb page. Don't do twitter myself.

Ann Mullen said...

Why don't you self-publish on Amazon? I know a group that will encourage you and tell you how if you are interested. Also MuriEL has an agent for her book. I'm sure she can tell you a thing or two.

The Loerzels said...

Self Publishing is my Plan B. Still working my A game for now. It's so great to have options. Thanks for the support guys! And Chantel-LOVE the pom poms!

Sine said...

"It's just that I always believed in the end that substance would prevail over the big fucking popularity contest. But I'm starting to question that now."
As always, you've nailed it, Marie.
Hang in there. The waiting game has got to be the worst. And yes, I second the "start writing something else" plea. I'm just amazed how you've kept this blog up all along. As someone who is now finally working on a book myself I'll be following your ordeal closely and hope to learn a lot through you! And I'll definitely be buying the Rock the Kasbah story, no matter which way you get it out there.

The Loerzels said...

@ Sine-I'll be happy to pass on what I've learned through the process with you, once I learn it! Good luck and happy writing to you!

Suerae Stein said...

Twitter has always reminded me of high school as well. I find it to be one of the weirdest spin offs of social media. I've written and illustrated a children's book and attempted the traditional route (in a half-assed sort of way). That's another overly saturated genre. I hope you have better luck than I did! (I just sell mine on my website for the moment.)

Lala Musings said...

Your writing is too captivating for this not to happen. It will. I personally am looking forward to reading it because as an avid follower of your blog I'm SURE there are things that will make me go "ah!" and more importantly things that will make me laugh with great delight in your memoir (love the title by the way). Can't wait until it's published and my mind can feast! :-)

MuMuGB said...

Hang in there Marie. Publishing your first book takes a long time and it is a game of patience. I hope it will happen for me but can't be sure. I think that you have a voice and that you will get there. You can also send your manuscript directly to publishing companies.
It is all about finding the right person too. And this is hard work!

The Loerzels said...

@ Suerae, Rachel and Muriel-Thank you so much for your support and I know we're all in the same boat here so you all "get it". Sending directly to publishing companies is the next step. Then self-publishing.

Joy Page Manuel said...

It's not worth much but please know that you still have my support and that I believe in you. You're right though. There are a bunch of crappy books out there. And let's not even talk books, but blogs. I see a LOT of REALLY popular blogs out there with a gazillion 'followers' / 'readers' but with not so good content. Ok I'll say it. They're crap; the type where you don't really get much from, just the 'my life was crazy today cos my kids pooped, barfed and I had a drink of vodka'. While there are really REALLY good ones, quality ones that don't get any exposure at all, hardly any readers/followers. You're a good writer. I think you are really funny and engaging. I hope you will never equate your value to what the agents think or say. *HUGS*

The Loerzels said...

@ Joy-Girl you are so sweet! I do know that I have an amazingly loyal readers who are such a diverse crowd of educated. young and old, men and women. People I'd love to hang with and shoot the shit. And that alone makes me proud. I've reorganized my head/my plan and I'm back on track! Just a temporary set back...

Penelope J said...

Am rooting for you. Know what it's like to be in suspense mode.
I find there's too much going on on Twitter, too many different interesting conversations and chats to follow. Prefer Facebook but even that's a distraction. On the doorstep of publication and I'm still revising and reworking. I know when the book comes out I'm going to wish I'd caught this or changed that. Never let it go for fear it's not good enough. What's held me back all these years. Still revising up to last minute.

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