While we were still in Buenos Aires, we started compiling a list of our favorite places to travel. It seemed like a fun family activity and an opportunity to relive some of our favorite misadventures. It wasn't. It went the way everything else in our house does, it began a passionate disagreement and quickly escalated into a potential WWIII scenario.
So, when my husband and I were at a wine bar in the airport waiting for our flight back home and our kids were who knows where because after 2.5 weeks of complete 24/7 family togetherness, we didn't care. Go ahead judge me. Later, the kids did care that Costa Rica didn't make the final list, as they all voted it in the top 3 which is the only thing they've agreed on ever in their lives. Even in their miraculous semi-agreement, they were still completely wrong. And they didn't pay for the trip. So they were overruled.
This list may be a bit arbitrary and capricious as it was written while under duress and the influence of alcohol.
1. France (Paris)
It's so cliche to love Paris. But, if you've been there and you don't you're a heartless bastard. I mean who can resist really old beautiful buildings filled with gorgeous antiquities stolen from other countries during imperialism? Or the impeccably dressed, haughty Parisians who walk the streets and pollute them with cigarette smoke and thoughts that you're inferior to them. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?
You know what's really fun to do with kids? Walk through the streets of Bangkok and have them ask what lady boys are. Really. You should try it. And I know you want to sit on one of the world's most beautiful beaches eating food from a floating boat and then have food poisoning for 2 days. CAUSE GOING ON VACATION AND LOSING WEIGHT IS WIN-WIN!
We've been to Italy 3 separate times. Rome and Venice were when my kids were really little before I was blogging. So I never did write about when I was living in Germany with 3 little kids and my husband got to come home for 2 weeks during his 15 month deployment to Iraq and we went to Rome. Where I booked us a family room we could all stay in together. With the beds all right next to each other. What was I thinking? Did I mention I hadn't seen my husband or had sex with him in 7 months at this point? Italy is much better and sexier if you actually have sex during your trip. GO TO ITALY AND HAVE SEX. DO IT NOW!
Sometimes it's not the destination, but what you have to do to get to the destination and the timing of the trip that makes you fall in love with a place. Being refused entry into the country, living in the airport for 40 hours before being sent home and then paying a shitload of money to return in the aftermath of a revolution are all it takes to make me swoon. Apparently. Oh, and bribes. DON'T FORGET TO PACK THE BAKSHEESH.
5. South Africa
Maybe it's Kruger National Park, Nelson Mandela or the tantalizing thrill of the bad reputation of Johannesburg. But, it's probably just the sexy accent the locals have. Even apartheid sounds sexy when they say it. WHICH IS REASON ENOUGH TO GO, AMIRITE?
Lychees, Crazy Camp Dog and a Cocktail
Turkey probably makes you think of Thanksgiving. But really, it's an incredibly geographically diverse country filled with people with unibrows who think we Americans are fat and don't travel. Ok, Greece could also fit this description. And Greece is pretty cool and could've made the list, but we traveled there with a toddler. So we had to return to the hotel for nap time every afternoon so as to not turn into Greek tragedy, so we didn't see near as much as what we wanted to. BONUS: YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO WAX BEFORE GOING.
My husband insisted in putting England in the Top 10 and I conceded. If you're into the latest fashion trends or the worst abominations of them, love the contradiction of foul language delivered with a stuffy accent you can't always decipher, especially when the person talking is drunk and shouting, London is the place for you. Plus, everything's already in English so you don't have to worry about looking stupid. EXCEPT WHEN YOU LOOK THE WRONG WAY BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET AND GET HIT BY A BUS.
London Calling Part 3
There's really only one reason to go to Morocco. Because it's super embarrassing to admit that the only thing you know about the country is what you saw in some stupid Sex in the City movie. DON'T BE THAT PERSON.
We went to Australia without kids, which automatically puts it in the top 10. We rented an RV and drove up the Gold Coast and snorkeled in the Great Barrier Reef. But, we also went with Craig's brother traveling around in an RV. Which was great, but this again, made for a sexless trip. But, my spoiled brat world traveling kids really want to go to Australia (and New Zealand) which is another great reason it had to go on the list, to make them jealous. CAUSE AUSTRALIA IS AWESOME.
Despite Buenos Aires, which was not one of my favorite cities. (I didn't find the air to be all that good which really is false advertising, among other things), Argentina did make the list. It was humbling Patagonia, the glaciers and Iguazu Falls that put it over the edge. Or maybe being told I looked like Nicole Kidman and was a natural at the tango. It could've been that. Or the Malbec. Unless it was the steak. DON'T CRY FOR ME BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TO ARGENTINA.
Lessons from Patagonia