Monday, January 9, 2012

Lychees, Crazy Camp Dog and a Cocktail

We had been traveling and camping through South Africa for two days before we go to Hazy View. We'd seen Mr. Penis Tail elephant, bestowed our sympathies on the mangy lion and Faith coined the phrase awk-weird. But, we also learned the camping routine. Waking up ridiculously early, dismantling the tent, cooking breakfast, cleaning up after breakfast, packing everything up into the trailer, loading into the van and driving for a few ours before stopping to make lunch and cleaning up from lunch, getting back in the car, arriving at camp, pitching the tent, making dinner, cleaning up after dinner. And starting all over again the next day.



The directions from the gps took us down a narrow dirt path through a lychee grove. I'm not sure which was more ripe the fruit on the trees or the smell emanating from a van full of sunscreen and mosquito repellent-drenched unshowered campers. I'm going with us though. We were told we could eat as many lychees as we wanted. That is a dangerous invitation.



We pitched our tents under the trees. Well, those of of who weren't climbing the trees and stuffing our faces with lychee. I won't name any names...



Oh and I didn't mean Faith and I. This was our post setting up tents water break. I swear!



After all the work was done, we headed to the rock pool on the other side of camp. We meandered past the bush camp's cooks starting dinner that we were invited to.



We headed down the pathway.



Past the stream.



To the shaded rock pool, the coolest place ever.



Even though we had cooled off and rinsed off, we still all needed a shower. And just like everything else in camp, the shower was located directly under a lychee tree. Which means you could shower and eat lychee at the same time. If you were coordinated. But that would be awk-weird.



The toilets were also on the open-air-under-a-lychee tree concept. So you could eat a lychee fruit and shit it out all at the same time. And when you eat as much lychee as we did, this is truly convenient.



With the open-ness of the bathroom situation and the maze of lychee trees I'm very glad that they have helpful markers to clearly indicate which bathroom is the men's and which is the women's.

You simply look at the carved statues located just outside the facilities to compare parts...



Nope. I don't have those parts. Holy hell! No one has parts like THAT. Clearly this statue was carved by a man. A very, very delusional man. With man boobs. Wait, unless it's a hermaphrodite. Whatever it is, I'm positive I do not belong in that bathroom.



Clearly, this is the bathroom for me. This statue was definitely carved by a woman, because if a man carved it it would have had bigger boobs. I also think it's a bit obvious that she had a little Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Cause do you see the third nipple disguised as a belly button?



So after all our parts were clean, excluding the third nipple of course. We headed to the camp's shop where I bought the biggest/funkiest/cool earrings I have ever seen that make me look like I belong in an African tribe somewhere.



By this time, it's happy hour at the camp's bar. We are served Hazy View's famous cocktail. The recipe is so tightly guarded I can't tell you what's in it and the owner is right there on the right in the picture checking her e-mail.

Ok. Come here. Shhhhhhhhhhh. So it's coconut rum mixed with 7 Up. And I know, you're like that sounds good. And you want to go check the dark recesses of your liquor cabinet right now to see if you have some old coconut rum back from that party a few years ago when your friend Beverly brought it and her new boyfriend Travis over. I also know you'd rather forget that night, but can't.

Go ahead. Check to see if you can find it. It's ok, I'll wait.



In enters crazy camp dog. Actually, crazy camp dog has been hanging around the whole time. And I know you're like awwww....look he's so cute. And he's sitting calmly while Sky pets him. Yeah, that's because crazy camp dog likes everyone except Ember. Whom he despises and barks at incessantly and until he gets hit with a shoe. (Before there are any animal rights groups after me, the owner whacked him, not me (or Ember).



Now it's time for dinner. Local delicacies like chicken livers, chicken heads and feet. Yum. Oh and we ate with our hands.



And I can confirm that I don't like chicken livers or chicken heads and feet. But the beets, spinach, sweet potatoes and chicken drumsticks were totally delicious.



Then it was time for the dancing to begin.



This was just the first dance. It got better. But I don't have any footage of that. But trust me, it was amazing. And then at the end of their performance. They pulled me up on stage to dance with them. Thank god there is no footage of that. I mean too bad of course. But, I wasn't good enough. And this is her kicking me out of their African dance troupe.



I think I know why too. It was clear to me from looking at the other dancers that there were two things I just didn't have. Two very big things that everyone else had and I didn't. And they weren't the big tribal earrings I just bought...



Next up in the continuing safari series, Botswana. Stay tuned.

14 comments:

Travelin' GRITS said...

Surely you can hear me laughing! :D Looking forward to the next post, as always!

Cerebrations.biz said...

Obviously, it was just an outie belly button!

Jaime Brown said...

The sounds of their voices really goes straight to your heart. I can only imagine how moving it is to experince it live.

Maybe your kids don't realize it yet...but you really are a cool mom. I mean...you're a rollerskatin', bellydancin', wine-sippin', spicy caesar salad-makin', squat toilet-usin', surprise trip-plannin', jeans-wearin', jet-settin', minivan-drivin', all over the globe super involved parent. These life experiences your providing for them are priceless! :D

The Loerzels said...

@ Janice...I thought I heard a chuckle with a southern drawl.
@ Roy...An outie? Why didn't that occur to me?
@ Jamie....Why thank you, but if my kids thought I was cool at the ages they are now I would definitely be too lenient. Instead, they think I am embarassing, which I tell them is my job and sole purpose at this point in life. And that embarasses them too. Which makes me happy. But thanks for the kind words. I'm glad someone somewhere finds me cool. It validates my awk-weird-ness.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I agree with Jamie, you seem like a totally cool mom. But of course that cannot be acknowledged by your children for some years yet. And awk-weird is going to be a favorite new word around here.

Jan said...

Great post, I feel almost as thug I was on the trip with you. I love the bathroom, very sexy.Can't wait for more.

Rachel Howells said...

You are so funny! I also can't wait to read more. :-)

Leah Griffith said...

That was fun; the virtual after dinner clean up was a snap! This is why I like traveling with you Marie. I get to have all the fun without the mosquitos, expense, and potty anxiety. I am a little jealous of the earrings, lychees, and the rum drink though. I have a recipe for a drink called the Painkiller that I picked up when I was a waitress in St. Croix. It’s boozy doozy. BTW, are you going to show us those earrings?

Your journey thus far has provided me with delicious distractions from what I’m supposed to be doing… Dancing around the fire in the moonlight. Priceless!

So, I have a little something for you but you’ll have to stop over at ELR and pick it up;)

Now get back in the car and take me somewhere else.

“Are we there yet!?”

Hajra said...

I loved the pictures and the description that went with them were even more awesome! :)

Don't you just love lychees? :)

Sine said...

Oh my gosh all that packing sounds like a lot of work. But you had me rolling on the floor laughing about the bathroom-lychee story and the man parts. I wish I had your knack for observation. Much easier to photograph carved man parts than a leopard...

The Loerzels said...

I don't think I can leave a picture as a comment or I just don't know how. So I posted a picture of the earrings on Rock The Kasbah's facebook page if you want to check them out in all their ginormity.

Lalia said...

So love this post Marie and green with envy over your travels. Can't wait to read more and through me a bone, I need some zebra pics!! lol

MuMuGB said...

How do you manage to do all of this with 4 kids? I do admire you...I love the statues and can't wait to read more about your adventures...

MsXpat said...

Wow what amazin' pics! You must have challening days but wow, the pics looks like your living in paradise :0) I'm a new follower via Weekend Warrior blog hop.

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