Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Diet

"So, I wanna try this Whole 30 thing my brother is doing...", my husband said.  The words didn't even finish coming out of his mouth and I was already pissed.  Great, we're going on a diet!  I already cook healthy meals and now I'd need to spend even more time and more energy into making dinner.  Not to mention that dinner is already stressful with the kids.  And now we're cutting carbs, dairy and sugar out.  Like completely.  But I'm not nixing coffee creamer.  No way.  Because I didn't even agree to this stupid diet!  (But if your spouse goes on a diet and you cook for your spouse, it's kinda unavoidable that you're on a diet too.)

I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want when he's not around.
Because that's how I do the "Whole 30". 
(Without ripping my husband a whole new A-hole.)
Cause I'm super supportive like that.

That's not even the worst of it.  The worst of it is the teenagers.  Not that they have to go on it, but seriously, am I going to put a basket of bread on the table with the chili if I can't eat it?  Hell no!  If I have to suffer, they've got to too. Not to be a bitch or anything, but I can't watch someone else eat bread and not eat it.  Which is why I won't eat the bread in front of my husband to begin with.  Out of seething sympathy.   

Do you know how much a meat and veggie based diet costs?
Did I mention I have 4 kids who also need shoes & other stuff?
Also, do you know the cheapest way to feed insatiable teenagers?

So, we got the cookbook and I begrudgingly have made a couple of the recipes. Which I was underwhelmed with.  Which I spent both too much time and too much money on and left me wanting more.  Like a side of bread. Or a sprinkle of cheese on top. Or some freakin' quinoa.  I really don't think that's too much to ask.  The thing about diets is, there's a reason there are so many out there.  Because the more restrictive they are, the easier it is to quit them.  And then try the next new thing.  Which is why I try to eat a balanced diet all the time.  Life is too short not to eat potatoes.  Or pizza.  Or chocolate.  

“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

~Michael Pollan

(DISCLAIMER:  The Whole 30 is restrictive for 30 days at which time you can re-introduce foods back into your diet.  Which may or may not result in gorging on french fries.)

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