Snow Day

It was announced on Sunday night.   The good* news that the school district was closed for a snow day on Monday.  As if the weekend with a houseful of kids wasn't long enough, now it was suddenly a 3 day weekend.  It'll be fun*, I said to myself, trying to convince myself it was true.

Snow days suck.

I got up on Monday morning and made pancakes and bacon, to celebrate* the occasion.  Then the house filled with smoke* the way it does when I cook breakfast.  That's when the first kid awake announced he doesn't like pancakes and promptly poured himself a bowl of cereal with milk*.  And so marked the beginning of the end of my sanity*.

When everyone was up, it was time to ship them outside to play in the snow*.  And that's precisely when you find out your kids don't have boots or snow pants that fit them anymore.  It's also when you remember that the kids trashed* their sleds last year.  And then within an hour of my kids getting up way the hell too early to enjoy their snow day, they say it...

...I'm bored.

After giving a million* suggestions of things they could do, they respond with a coordinated wince and head tilt, "Nooooooooo."  Cause all they want to do is get on the computer*, which is clearly underutilizing their time, energy and creativity.  Clearly their talents are best used to degrade each other.  At this point it seems inevitable that one of my kids is going to kill another one of my kids.  And really, who am I to interfere with fate*?  

Snow days suck!

That's when it got worse.   We had 2 more consecutive snow days exactly like that day*, making it a ridiculously long 5 day weekend.  The kids go back to school today for a stunted 2 day week.  

Good* This is a matter of perspective not shared by parents who would conversely consider this 'bad'.

fun*  Nothing is quite as fun as sarcasm, especially when you're deluding yourself.

celebrate*   Carb loading the kids so they'd be sedated in a food coma for an hour or hopefully more.

smoke* Good thing the batteries in the smoke detector were dead or my kids would've woken up 5 minutes earlier than they did.  WTF do they get up early on days they DON'T have school?

milk* This is my lactose intolerant child I will be confined in a house with all day.

my sanity*  It was gone a long, long time ago.

snow* Kids don't play in the snow anymore unless it's virtual snow on Minecraft.

trashed* Which I'm positive was part of a malicious and calculated plan they started last winter so I wouldn't make them go outside.

million*  Million is an understatement.

computer* If they're on the computer then I can't get on the computer and waste my time, energy and creativity complaining about them on social media

fate* It's not like I have a god complex thinking I have any control over who lives and dies anyhow.  Plus, then I'll have one less kid (at least) to complain about dinner which occurs every day, not just on snow days.

day*  Oddly enough, these three snow days that were exactly the same fell over Groundhog Day.  Coincidence?  I think not!