Thursday, February 25, 2016

I'm a Fraud

 Photo credit:

This week I got an invitation to participate in an upcoming author event and while I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity, I'm also immensely anxious that I'll be exposed for what I truly am.

A fraud.  

Even though I work hard at writing, every time I get a compliment or good review I feel it's undeserved.   After all,  I don't have credentials and I don't know what I'm doing.  It's not like I wrote Infinite Jest or anything.  I didn't even write a novel, just a memoir, which is basically a personal diary you make public.    Unfortunately, my deception goes beyond writing to every facet of my life.  There is no end to my deceit.

I'm a scam artist.

Merely pretending I'm confident.   Desperately trying to cover up the unsavory truth. That I'm not as smart or talented as you might think I am.   I am, however, exquisitely flawed.  And underneath it all, I'm unworthy.   Most of the time it seems to work too, because I'm good at what I do.  I'll charm you, making you laugh to divert your attention.  I might even push you away if you get too close to uncovering the truth.  It's a cunning self preservation sham.  

Because I'm an ignoble fake.  
With a fear of both failure and success.  


Anonymous said...

I knew you as a teenager, and you're no fraud! :) Greg W CAP

Matt Starcher said...

Some of the most amazing artists are humble. Not even realizing how talented they are. But what is cool is that there are folks that do see this talent and we smile because you had the guts to share it. For that Marie we thank you and ask you to keep it up for you are making smiles, and i personally thank you for that. Keep Making a Difference my friend. Mattdad

Janine Ripper said...

I hear ya! Someone is interviewing me on Sunday for a pre-interview before a community TV interview in April - Im a writer yeh. I published a CHAPTER in a book. I feel like such a phoney and feel like I am going to disappoint big time. Imposter syndrome. It gets us all the time!

Nancy/BLissed-Out Grandma said...

Janine said it: Imposter syndrome. I used to live with it much of the time. Funny, I can't remember exactly when it went away, or why.

John Sobecki said...

Love your blogs, but delete this one. You are super talented!

Marie Loerzel said...

@Greg Hi Greg!
@Matt I'm glad I make you smile!
@Janine-We should start an Imposter support club. Except none of us would show up :(
@Nancy-Proof of life after Imposter syndrome, I'm inspired!
@John-I'd like to say take it back, but I'll say thank you instead.

Joy Page Manuel said...

Aren't we all? Don't we all fake it till we make it? You're a funny, smart, talented person and writer though, and courageous for writing and publishing that memoir! You need to own your brilliance, even when you feel that only a few of us recognize it. I'm still part of the fans' club! :-)


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