Monday, September 14, 2015

The Cumulative Effect

When you're a new mother, you think it's not going to happen to you.  No, you're the exception.  You're going to be the perfect mom.  Playing guitar and singing Joni Mitchell songs to lull your baby to sleep.  You're going to snuggle up with them when they watch Disney movies, instead of using it as a babysitter so you can read a book.  But, more likely to go on facebook.   And you're definitely going to be completely rational and eternally patient every time your kid cries, whines, complains, throws a temper tantrum and act like completely and utterly irrational child.  Except, no you're not.

Because you are not the exception.  

Simply put, where there are children at play, there are laws of science at play.  So let me blind you with a little science.  When women become mothers there is a drop in progesterone, estrogen and thyroid levels that occur.  They make you both euphoric and depressed and anxious.  In addition, the thyroid ensures that you will clean your child's plate after they have picked through it no matter how gross and repulsive it is.  It's not your fault you're a crazy person.  It's hormonal.   It's science people!   

And it doesn't get better, in fact, it gets worse. 

 Because the thing that no one tells you about motherhood is the cumulative effect.  Anytime your little bundle of joy makes a misstep in life, your brain will go through the extensive catalog of every past incidence that it has occurred.  The older they are, the greater the frequency, the more pissed off you are at that bouncing baby bundle of woe.  And that's precisely when you go from 0 to 60.  That kid doesn't even have a chance to defend his or her actions.  There is no defense.  Because in your mind you've already had the trial, convicted and sentenced them.  

This is The Cumulative Effect.  

There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it from happening.  Nothing.  It's terminal.  It's such a horrific affliction, that no one talks about it.  It's not even listed in the DSM-V.  It's also a government cover-up.  Because if women knew about it, many would choose not to have children.  And thus, there would be no one to pay taxes and keep social security afloat and the whole system would collapse.  So, go ahead, sacrifice yourself and your sanity to have kids.  Your family and your country  need you!

1 comment:

Joy Page Manuel said...

I knew it! All my issues can be blamed on either hormones or motherhood! Love it!


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