Belly Dance vs. Pole Dance

2010

As most of you already know, I began my foray into dance with a belly dance class in Morocco a little over 5 years ago now.  It was a steep learning curve for a 40 year old woman lacking any discernible coordination.  Taking the class in a language I didn't speak just added to the challenge.  Or it was a great excuse for why I was so abominable.  Or both.  When I moved back to the States, I picked up pole dance.  And for a while, I was doing both belly and pole.

But it became apparent, as a writer & busy mom of 4, I was going to have to choose.
How could I possibly make such a choice?
Maybe I should make a list...

Scheduling:

Belly:  Classes are on Mondays at 5pm.  And every parent knows this is the witching hour.  

Pole:   Classes can be scheduled days & evenings. So I can pole dance at 9am like a civilized person.

Classes:

Belly:  Classes can be small or big, depending on how many people show up.  Big classes=big small talk.

Pole:   Classes are maxed at 6 people, including the instructor cause there are only 6 poles.  Less people=embarrassing yourself in front of less people. 

Athleticism:

Belly:   Belly dance is more grace and coordination (the things I suck at) not a cardio workout.   

Pole:     Pole works every muscle in your body, plus cardio.  Plus, it gives you cool bruises that make you look tough.  

Routine:

Belly:   Learn a choreographed routine that will be a minimum of 3.5 minutes long (because belly dance songs are hella long) which translates to a shit ton or choreography to memorize.

Pole:     Learn a choreographed routine that will be about 3.5 minutes long and if you went any longer you might die from a heart attack.  Then make your own routine to perform at the recital or not.  

Recitals:

Belly:  Buy an glitzy outfit and learn how to do elaborate makeup to perform on stage in front of 100 people or so. 

Pole:   Wear whatever you have that's comfortable and perform in a tiny room in front of about 25 people.  

Attitude:

Belly:  Smiling and enjoying yourself is strongly encouraged.

Pole:    Enjoying yourself is strongly encouraged, but smiling isn't mandatory. Plus half the time you're upside down, backwards or both, so no one can even see your face. However, berating your lack of  flexibility and obsessing about a certain trick is completely understood.  

So, obviously, for this introverted, smile averting, tomboy, averse to glitz and prone to making  stupid faces and awkward embarrassing moments, there is a clear winner here.

2015
This pole trick is called miracle.
And it's a miracle I finally got it on film.
And no, it's not photoshopped.