Monday, August 17, 2015

Faking It

I'm a fraud.  Pretending to be something I'm not.  I didn't intend to hurt anyone or misrepresent myself, it just kind of happened.  Over and over again.  And then this untruth took on a life of it's own and I couldn't stop it.  Mostly because I didn't want to.  I liked the fabrication more than I liked the truth.

The truth is, I lack self-confidence.

I know my photos on social media suggest otherwise.  And I know if you only know me from my on-line presence, that you may feel deceived.  Because I've gotten comments such as,  "You don't seem like an introvert, scared of heights, self conscious...etc."  But, I do what so many other people on social media do, I fake it.  Which works especially well for introverts, because using social media, counter intuitively,  is a solitary process.  And you also take a selfie when you're alone, feeling your best because you're dressed up to go out.  Or having a fabulous hair day.    

It only takes a second. 
(Ok, it takes a couple minutes and 20 or so photos to feign just the right confident stance.)
Please see above photo.  

Everyone on the internet distorts the truth a little bit, right?  It's not so bad, right?  But, one can't only incriminate those that post photos, but those that consume them.  Because social media users are just as guilty of filling in the blanks with their imagination.  Especially in this day and age where images trump words.  Which I admit I am completely guilty of too.  Distorting reality, however small and innocently.  (And I didn't even touch on the power of filters and photoshop.)  So, who's more at fault?  Or is it a blameless omission?  

All I know for sure is, I'm a fraud. 
And you probably are too.


Stuart Nager said...

No fraud. I think you are too hard on yourself. You're an intelligent, beautiful woman. Raising kids and a clutzy husband. You survived foreign country living and now this. Take it in hand and run with it. Who else does all that you do and with such grace and humor?

Marie Loerzel said...

@Stuart-Well if that isn't one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me!

Janine Ripper said...

Oh I was talking to someone about this very thing the other day, and how local bloggers had reached out to me to meet me and then after meeting me I never heard from them again. I feel so disappointing in person sometimes!

Sarah said...

I don't think I am a fraud, and so are you. We aren't lying. We just choose to show what we want others to see. What you write is genuine. Even that 2 minutes of taking a photo for the right confidence stance allowed you to be really confident for 2 minutes, didn't it? :)

Joy Page Manuel said...

I love, love, LOVE this post, Marie! So many truths and things you made me think about. It never hit me that way but you're absolutely right. Social media IS a very solitary process/experience. As an introvert, I completely appreciate all the points you made and can't deny that I fake so much as well. But I wouldn't bother being guilty about it if I were you. As you said, we're all dancing together in this, right? As I've written before and to which you alluded above, we all just see snippets of 'reality' and we all just fill in the blanks. In the end, it's all entertainment for all of us ;-) Sharing this!!!

Nancy/BLissed-Out Grandma said...

What Stuart said. Plus this: We introverts sometimes have to speak the language of extroverts in order to be seen and heard. So we dress up, look confident, strike the pose, take selfies (because who else bothers to include us in photos?). You're not a fraud, you're just multilingual. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Marie Loerzel said...

@Janine-Well that's a weird coincidence.
@Sarah-Good point.
@Joy-I'm so glad you enjoyed it, especially enough to share it!
@Nancy-I never thought of it that way. I'm multilingual dammit!


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