Monday, October 1, 2012

Bruised


I've always had bruises on my body. Probably because I'm always perpetually in motion looking for the next adventure. But, I'm also perpetually uncoordinated. And stubborn. So, while grace doesn't come to me naturally, challenging myself does. Most of the time I think I do it to prove to myself that I can. Other times, I think I do it to prove to myself I can't. Both look pretty much the same from the outside. Bruised.


The thing about bruises is, you earn them. Either by not believing in yourself or by striving to do better. The former is easy, the later must be earned by commitment and hard work. It also means making a lot of mistakes, embarrassing yourself, falling and hurting yourself. Which just seems so similar to failing.

Except, you get up and do it over again. And again. And again. Each time doing just a bit better than the time before. Even though the falls are destined to get harder and the bruises get bigger along the way. Eventually, there comes a point where you can't be any more embarrassed or any more battered than you already are. That's when you stop being controlled by that thing that's holding you back. And that's you. Doubting whether it's even worth it. Or that you're capable of it. Because now, you can't deny that it is. And you are.


You bask in your new found clarity and the bruises you've accumulated are the relics of your journey. But, it's not over yet. The bruises fester and beg you to pick them. And you secretly crave the comfort that the familiar sting will bring. But, knowing if you do, it'll take even longer to heal this time, if it does at all. If you fail yourself this time, it could scar you permanently. So you keep on striving. Bruised, but not broken.


10 comments:

Joy Page Manuel said...

Bruised but definitely not broken! Love the insights here, Marie. Thanks for the friendly reminder :-)

SherilinR said...

bruised means you've been busy and active. i always tell my daughter that bruised up legs and arms are the signs she must have had a good time.

Cerebrations.biz said...

Love this post, Maria..
The bruises are our medals, our badges, proving that we are out there attempting to stretch the possible.

The Loerzels said...

@ Joy-I needed the reminder, that's why I wrote it :)
@ Sherilin-I do have a good time!
@ Roy-I think I'm at least a bronze, maybe even a silver. But, I'm going for gold.

The Empress said...

Oh, some bruises are SO deep. INternal. Injured, some in the same spot over and over.

This post points me in so many directions.

Chantel said...

We must share a brain. Seriously.

The Loerzels said...

@ The Emress-EXACTLY my point!
@ Chantel-This explains why I only have half a one....

Adriene said...

Indeed, this is life. Love the metaphor.

Sandra said...

Such a beautiful, honestly raw post, and such terrific writing. Just for the record though, I've seen you belly dance, you got some coordination goin' on girlfriend!

The Loerzels said...

@ Adriene-Thank you, it was meant that way.
@ Sandra-Thank you! Trust me, that was hard earned, not natural talent.

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