Next month I'll have two teenagers in my house. When my 4 kids were little, I used to dream of how different things would be when they got older. No diapers to change, no cowering over the edge of the bathtub to bathe them. I wouldn't step on the sharp corner of legos buried deep in the carpet anymore. Grocery shopping would become a solo event without my entourage of munchkins clammering for that sugary cereal I never buy. Day to day life was going to get easier. Of course, I was dead wrong.
The following are the reasons why I like my dogs more than my teenagers.
MY TEENAGERS: Don't like anything I cook.
MY DOGS: Love when I cook and beg me for just a taste, they'll even eat if off the floor.
MY TEENAGERS: Are embarrassed to be seen with me.
MY DOGS: They'll go anywhere with me, hell, they'll even kiss me in public.
MY TEENAGERS: Whine for an hour about doing homework, complain while doing it, then, forget to turn it in and get credit for it.
MY DOGS: They don't have homework. Thank god.
MY TEENAGERS: Leave their crap all over the house.
MY DOGS: I happpily bag their crap because I don't have to nag them to do it. Because they can't because they don't have opposible thumbs or speak English
MY TEENAGERS: Don't look up from the computer screen when I come home.
MY DOGS: Jump up and down when they see me, even if they just saw me a minute ago.
MY TEENAGERS: Are interested in the opposite sex and my Women's Health magazine.
MY DOGS: Can't unexpectadly make me a grandma.
MY TEENAGERS: Stay up until the wee hours of the evening and find it hard to get up the next morning.
MY DOGS: Wake their asses up and threaten to wee wee on the carpet if the kids don't take them out at the crack of dawn.
MY TEENAGERS: Always want to go hang out with their friends.
MY DOGS: Are content to stay home and snuggle with me.
MY TEENAGERS: Are never content, no matter what they have.
MY DOGS: Only need a $2 squeak toy. Actually, they only need a stick. And that's free.
MY TEENAGERS: Think I don't know what I'm talking about. Ever.
MY DOGS: Don't give a shit.
Don't worry, it's reciprocal, kinda like chasing your own tail. My teenagers like the dogs more than me too. But let's call it a truce and just let sleeping dogs lie, shall we?