Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Doggie Style



Yesterday I had a whole different post lined up for today. I was not going to write about the dogs for the 3rd time in a row. Lest you start thinking this is a dog blog. Which it's not. But, then last night the funniest thing happened. Unless it's the grossest thing. You decide.

It was a night like any other, making dinner, carting the kids to activities, interrogating them about homework, making sure the dogs got walked and the kids brushed their teeth and got to bed. Getting them to bed is one thing. Getting them to sleep is a much longer process that usually involves several trips upstairs to shush them. And as our kids get older, they stay up later. But as we get older, we want to go to bed earlier. Which doesn't leave us a lot of *ahem* alone time together. If you know what I mean.

Last night was one of those rare exceptions. Sure everyone was asleep, we snuck upstairs to our own bedroom for a little adult time. Careful not to make any loud noises that would wake anyone on the way up. We started with a little foreplay. In the form of brushing our teeth and taking that last pee before bed. After that, it was all on. And we were getting busy. Quietly, of course.

Then things got crazy. In a moment of intense passion, I felt a wet nose on my leg. Clyde, the dog, had jumped up into bed and wanted in on the action. But, I am not that freaky. And I'm not into three ways. The whole thing was a little shaming. And I couldn't look him in the eye when I banished him from the mattress. I thought the worst was over. But, of course, it wasn't.

With Bonnie, his companion, asleep in the other room, feeling a little frisky, I guess he felt like he had no choice but to go it alone. By licking himself. Loudly and furiously. My bedroom sounded like a porn set, as my dog gave himself a blow job. I called his name and begged him to stop. But, that just made him lick faster. Until finally, he was done and dozed off. I guess that's just how it's done, doggie style.

15 comments:

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Do you remember the show "Mad About You"? Jamie manages to get Paul to agree to go shopping with her. Next scene: The dog is licking himself enthusiastically and Paul says, "If I could do that, I wouldn't be going shopping for a bathroom rug."

The Loerzels said...

I used to love that show, but don't remember that!

Kelli @ No. 7 said...

Your dog furtively licking his junk. You're right. That is totally way more kinky than pole burn on your thighs!!

Chantel said...

As long as it's good porn...?

Y'know, I'm just at a loss for words right now....

And babe--what were you thinking leaving the bedroom door open??

The Loerzels said...

@ Kelli-Thought so.
@ Chantel-Next time we will.

Sandra said...

I am sitting in an airport shaking furiously with laughter. Thank you. I hope at least that the air marshal who'll be tackling me when I board the plane is good looking.

The Loerzels said...

@ Sandra- I'm hoping he's totally hot for you and tasers you in all the right places! Let me know. And if you have a free hand take a picture....

Samantha Bangayan said...

I cannot believe that actually happened! =P I didn't even know dogs dig that and what are the chances that he would choose to at that specific time. =P

The Loerzels said...

@ Samantha-As the saying goes, boys will be boys.

Janine said...

hehe welcome to the life of a pet owner. Ours follows us to the toilet, the shower, insists on lying at the end of the bed during you know what...she's a lot littler. Afterwards I feel so dirty and ashamed when she looks at me with those disapproving eyes.

MommaSachs said...

That is crazy and creepy!!! :)

Kitty Moore said...

When I started reading that, I thought one of the kids were going to walk in on you, I wasn't expecting the doggie solo action!!!

Lucy Patterson said...

I have tears of laughter streaming down my face - sorry!

Joy Page Manuel said...

I just learned something new about dogs today. I knew I could always count on you, Marie ;-)

MuMuGB said...

What a feisty dog you have!

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