Man vs. Wild

THE MISSION: Camping our way through South Africa, Botswana, Zambia and Zimbabwe with our good friends the Green family. We will brave the elements, the whining, the lack of pillows and any privacy what-so-ever for 10 days. Just us against the wild beasts of Africa. Who will win? Team Man or Team Wild?

TEAM MAN:



Our driver, Ken, who has only done geriatric posh hotel safaris for the past 10+ years. Until now.



Jess, our guide and former circus performer. We are her first solo clients.



Grandpa Dale and Grandma Barb. The elders of the Green family and the quickest and most efficient tent packers on Team Man.



Mark. Was he born this way? Or was he just imitating the face Ember always makes?


(Photo courtesy of Mark Green)

Faith, Mark's better half. She's a bit of a pyromaniac.


(Photo courtesy of Mark Green)

Conner, king of the termite hill and certified coke addict.



Collin thought we were going to the desert instead of on safari. He spent the trip using his binoculars trying to find his camel.



Aiden takes after his dad. Obviously.



Craig likes to kick back and relax at camp in a stranger's lingerie pants extracted from the dumpster.



Me (Marie) being kicked out of an African dance troupe.



Sky ate a lot of lychees. And when you've gotta go....you've gotta go...


(Photo courtesy of Mark Green)

River, who contrary to what his passport says and his beautiful long flowing hair would have you believe, really is a boy.



Jade. She wears a lot of hats.



And finally, Ember. Pole dancer extraordnaire.

But wait. There's more. Here are our opponents....

TEAM WILD:



Aquaphobic water buffalo.



An invisible leopard.



Crocodile hunter.



A stuck up giraffe.



An elephant with a stubby tail shaped like a penis.



Ass sniffing hippos.



A sexually frustrated monkey. Check out the blue balls.



Some smokin' hot drunk chicks.



A jarred black mamba snake.



Some shrimp. (Actually we obliterated those the day before the safari on Christmas when we drown them in cocktail sauce.)



Millions of milipedes.



An evil camp ground dog.



One sickly, mangy lion.



A monitor lizard pretending to be run over by a car.

And the most fierce of them all.....






The subsaharan malaria carrying mosquito.

Who will survive? Stay tuned for the next installment...