Thursday, January 16, 2014

Oil of O'Lie


So, I was out lunching with a friend last week, when the conversation turned to food.  As it naturally does.  Especially when you're eating.  Then she said something crazy.  "I heard olive oil doesn't have to be 100% olive oil."  What?  How crazy is that?  People must know the truth about oil of o'lie!" 

This started a whole deep conversation about ancient civilizations.  Namely, the Egyptians, who used to cleanse themselves with olive oil and a squeegee.  I'm sure they didn't actually call them squeegees back then and I'm sure they had a really great hieroglyphic for it.  But I digress.

Just the week before, I performed an experiment.  Every night I take my make-up off with argan oil I got in Morocco.  But, my supply is almost gone.  And since it's expensive to get here in the states, I was trying out alternative oils.

AVOCADO OIL:  This is the only oil made from a fruit, not the seed of the fruit.  I use this one for baking and cooking.  Though it has a thinner consistency and my eggs stick to the pan a bit more than say, olive oil.

MAKE-UP TEST:  It did take off my mascara, but it took some work.

HEMP:  I use this oil for salad dressings, it adds a nutty flavor and is extremely nutritious, but I don't use it for much else because it has a low smoke point.

MAKE-UP TEST:  My mascara came off effortlessly.

OLIVE OIL:  I used to use olive oil for all of my cooking oil needs, but as you can see, even before I knew about the oil of o'lie, I started branching out into different oils.   Because.  Fun.

MAKE-UP TEST:  The Costco one from my cupboard freakin' burned my eyes.  Hmmmmm.  Weird.

So, of course, I tell my friend all of this.  Because.  Riveting! Right?  Then we decide we're going to get to the bottom of this by going to the Olive Tap, an emporium of Mediterranean delights, just a short walk from the restaurant we were eating at in Manitou Springs.

She doesn't waste any time.  "I heard a lot of olive oils are actually blends and not completely olive."  It's true, the clerk confirms it.  "The way you can tell if it's a blend or not is it will have 100% olive oil on the label if it's pure," he said.  (I double checked when I got home and at the grocery store and I didn't find one label claiming to be 100%.  Not one.  All of the Olive Tap's oils are pure and they have a tasting bar for both oils and balsamic vinegars.

"Do you have any that are good for the skin?"  My friend asks.
"Yeah, we have lots of flavored oils."  He responds.
At which point we just started giggling.
"It would probably make a great lube.  That's thinking outside the box."  I said.
The young man was mortified.
"OH….I thought you meant chicken skin.  I'm so sorry!"
Don't worry, technically we're cougar age, you can't offend us.


Maybe you just had to be there, but I'm telling you it was totally hilarious.

I walked out with grapeseed oil and a espresso balsamic vinegar.  And took my make-up off with the grapeseed oil before cooking my eggs in it the next morning.  Not the same oil mind you.  Because that would be gross.

But what is even funnier, is I actually have used grapeseed oil as a sexual lubricant before and I can attest, it works like a charm.  


I wonder if they have it in different flavors...

7 comments:

joeh said...

Did you try to smoke the hemp oil?

The Loerzels said...

That's funny! How did I not catch that? I'm off my game. Might have something to do with the flu I contracted from my kids.

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

Must go and check our olive oil bottles. We have a store similar to the one you were at, called Vinaigrette. Lots of oils, lots of vinegars. Sadly, my palate is very ignorant in these matters. But I learn a tiny bit each time I go there.

Cerebrations.biz said...

Another advantage of keeping kosher... It's that 100% of something that we want...

Muriel Jacques said...

I suppose I am very fortunate, because we make our own olive oil. At least, we are sure of what is inside. Ar it tastes great!

The Salty Shrimper said...

You have quite a variety of oil on hand. Hope you didn't try any Valvoline. (I have by the way used Go-Jo at work to remove smeared mascara - bad choice!)

The Loerzels said...

@BOG-Once you have the good stuff, you won't go back!
@Roy-Hmmmm….something to keep in mind.
@Muriel-Luuuuccckkkkkyyyy!
@ SS-Go-Jo?

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