Wednesday, May 1, 2013

You Make Me Sick!


The day I started taking leftover dog antibiotics for my searing throat and accompanying kennel cough was also the day I started reading Typhoid Mary.  That's when I learned the truth about my husband. By day he helps kids stay healthy.  By night he totally makes me sick!   Everyone thinks it must be great being married to a doctor.  But they don't know the truth.  He's Thyphoid Mary incarnate.  Since that's a bit feminine, I've renamed him Toxoid Craig.

What I didn't realize about Typhoid Mary is she never actually had Typhoid at all.  She was a cook who was healthy as an ox. An ox who wasn't an ardent hand washer and served her meals with a side of pythogenic fever.  This is when I started to put it together.  The pneumonia, sinus infection and strep throat.  No one else in my family got these recurrent illnesses.  In fact, Craig never gets sick.  Ever.  He's healthy as an ox.  Cause he's a carrier.  A breeding ground for all the germs he collects day in and day out.  Then he comes home and gives them to me.

"You make me sick!"

Now, Craig is an avid hand washer and I can't prove it's actually him.  But, I don't even need to.  The fact that he and I both know that he's to blame for me being sick is fact enough for me.  And the fact that he can't sleep when I'm hacking up phlegm loogies in the middle of the night either is just bonus. Then I woke up with the urgent need to pee in the middle of the night.  And peeing didn't relieve it.  It felt like a UTI, but I was already taking dogbiotics. Amoxicillin to be exact.  So obviously it wasn't.  Except it totally was.  How could this happen?  Until Craig reminded me what happened the night before.   "You made me sick....AGAIN!"

That's when I remembered antibiotics cancel out birth control pills.  And also when I remembered I don't want puppies.

Hopefully that's the end of the story.  But, if I start puking my guts out about a month from now I think we'll all know who made me sick!













5 comments:

Leah Griffith said...

Puppies! LOL!! This was a fabulous post Marie. Soooo hysterical. Hubby needs to shower before he comes anywhere near you after work or he's to go straight to the dog house.
;)

Loogie. LOLOL!!!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Marie, you totally deserve to take regular "people" antibiotics. And fresh ones, so they actually work. Never knew they cancelled out birth control pills... that probably explains a lot of "surprises."

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Not MY surprises, btw; I was speaking globally.

Cerebrations.biz said...

Actually- unless Craig SHOWERS when he comes home...
He really is TOXOID...

The Loerzels said...

@ Leah-Dog house....niiiiiiccccceee!
@BOG-Thanks for he clarification! lol
@Roy-I know this to be true.

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