Monday, May 13, 2013

The Reunion Tour

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited 'cause we understood
There's one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
'Cause we're reunited, hey, hey


When I left you in Rock and Roll Fantasy, Yoko Ono was threatening to break up the band to take her kid to soccer practice.  And she did. That's when we stopped talking to each other.  I can't speak for anyone else, but I suffered a deep depression in those weeks.  I spent countless hours on the couch in my pajamas being consoled by my box of Fish Eye Shiraz.   Unless that's just called Thursday night. Until a major miracle happened.  John, our band pimp, brought us together one night and we reunited.  I can't go into details about what happened, it's so personal.  But suffice it to say, Aretha Franklin was involved and I butchered her slowly until I killed a legend.  Vocally that is.

Over the next 5 weeks we learned a whole new set of songs.  Then we went on tour.  Ok, so the tour was of John's KISS memorabilia in his basement.  But that totally counts right?  I have to admit, we're not all that committed to the music.  Especially Moves Like Jagger.  We're more committed to having a good time.  I would say we're more of a party band.  A dry party band.  Because there was absolutely no drinking of any kind taking place while making these videos.  That came much later.  At the private after party in my house, on my couch, with my box.  To console myself for not being able to nail the pathetic steel drum part and singing in public, yet again.  And seriously?  The socially awkward band member who hides behind words isn't the best front person.  Obviously.




That's Mama on guitar, Yoko on drums and Baby Spice on bass.  What we lack in raw talent we make up for with our self deprecating wit and visible panty lines.  We're making the world a better place by accepting the fact that it's not about how well we play music or don't, but how much we can corrupt Baby Spice.  I mean she as a newlywed didn't know that she gets a fantasy list of hot celebrity guys that should the opportunity arise she gets to cash in on.

Somehow, over the course of a few weeks, distracted by chatter of tampons and to-do lists, somewhere in there, we really gelled as a band.  Check out how tight we are on this song.  We actually really got the beat.  And kept it even.




Just when you might be thinking this is a tale of triumph.  Not Triumph, the band, for clarification.  No, this is a tragic tale.  No, not in a Lynard Skynyrd kinda way.  But, because that's the final performance of VPL you'll ever see.  Mama and Baby are moving.  Not together or to the same place either.   I know you're disappointed. And secretly hoping that one of us is cocky enough to try to go solo.  Or maybe Yoko and I could Sammy Hagar it and add other inferior band members.  But those bitches are unreplaceable!  And I mean bitches in the most affectionate way.


So, you might want to blow this picture up to poster size to remember Visible Panty Lines the way we should be remembered.  Looking musically competent in a still photo in happier times.

1 comment:

MuMuGB said...

Am I allowed to say that you look hot!?

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