Thursday, January 31, 2013

My Codependent Relationship


I never thought I'd be this woman.  But, I guess no one plans to be codependent.  It just happens.  Slowly.  When we first got together, things were so good.  Effortless even.  I couldn't stop myself from falling hard and fast for his charms.  He knew just what to do.  Looking back now, it's probably because he'd done it before.  To someone else.  I'm ashamed of myself.  I want to be a better example to my daughters.  But, I love him.  I love him so much, I'll take whatever he gives me.  Or nothing at all.

I started to see the signs a couple weeks after he moved in.  He didn't respect my things.  I'd find them thrown in a corner.  And his shit?  He spread it all over the house. And yeah, I cleaned it up. He was establishing his dominance and control over me.   After the first couple times, I finally got the courage to confront him about it.  But, he didn't listen.  And it didn't change anything. So, I cleaned it up.  Again.

Then things took a turn for the worse.  I started to see his jealous side.  He didn't want me to leave the house, especially not in my workout clothes.   Without him.  He whined, carried on and guilted me.  I knew something wasn't right.  But, I ignored it.  Justifying that he loves me so much he just didn't want to share me.  Truth be told, it felt good to be so needed by someone.

But, soon thereafter his eyes began to wander. I wasn't the only object of his affection anymore.  Even so, he had become even more enraged when any man so much as looked at me.   Until one day it turned physical.  It took everything I had to try to pull him off of the garbage man, who had merely graciously offered to walk my empty can back up our steep driveway.

He knew he had me the moment he first kissed me after deftly licking his penis when I didn't turn away in disgust.   No boundary would be left intact.  Any transgression or misdeed can be righted with just one look from those beautiful soulful eyes of his.   That's what it's come to.

I know we need help to break the cycle.  A professional.  I want us to be healthy.  But, he's got to want to change.  But in the end, I love him.  I love him so much, I'll take whatever he gives me.  Or nothing at all.

No matter what happens, I love Clyde.  Now and forever.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holy Crap !!! I was relieved at the end. Sheila

The Loerzels said...

@ Sheila-Speaking of relieved, I have to go relieve him. And he's gonna protect me from all the deer, rabbits, mail man, garbage man, people on bikes...

Cerebrations.biz said...

The sequel? Marie and Clyde....

Chantel said...

LOL! Hooked for life, eh? Such a handsome fellow.

Thom Brown said...

Love it. Perfect.

LauraD said...

Great post! I love it, very cute and creative ... Just when I thought--oh no you have to get out of this relationship ... Whew, it's all okay. Thanks for making me smile :)
Laura

Joy Page Manuel said...

I must admit this post ALMOST makes me want to get a dog... ;-)

Penelope J said...

Amazing post! Great writing. I was riven by your portrait of co-dependency and frankly shocked that you'd open up so much about it, and then the twist at the end. If you have to be co-dependent then let it be Clyde.

MommaSachs said...

Oh this is totally me and my cats! :)

Janine said...

Haha I so understand you. I have a lesbian dog - she is obsessed with me. When she was younger she used to eat the crotch out of my underwear. Hmmm. She no longer does that, which is good, cause when she ate the crotch out of my bikini bottoms I was pissed!

After Denis spent 6 years at home on the couch last year however, things started to change. She now hides under him when there's thunder. She goes to him for food. She snuggled with him in bed every morning. The jealousy on my part was intense...she was mine, but no more :(

Janine said...

Haha I so understand you. I have a lesbian dog - she is obsessed with me. When she was younger she used to eat the crotch out of my underwear. Hmmm. She no longer does that, which is good, cause when she ate the crotch out of my bikini bottoms I was pissed!

After Denis spent 6 years at home on the couch last year however, things started to change. She now hides under him when there's thunder. She goes to him for food. She snuggled with him in bed every morning. The jealousy on my part was intense...she was mine, but no more :(

Travelin' GRITS said...

I knew it wouldn't take long for you to be putty in his paws! Glad he's become a welcome addition to your daily routine. And what about Bonnie?

The Loerzels said...

Bonnie is enamoured with Jade. She sleeps with her and will go lay on her bed when she's sad Jade is at school. She gets so excited when I saddle her up to go pick her up at school she chatters her teeth! Clyde has been banned from school grounds...

MuMuGB said...

What a perfect relationship! Sounds like you are having fun!

Lala said...

Clever and funny as usual!

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