Monday, December 3, 2012

Party People

It's that time of year. The time of year where you dust off your very best festive wear buried in your closet. Study the e-vite to make sure you'll know someone other than just the host. And try to remember not to attack the egg nog like you did last year. Especially if you're lactose intolerant. Get ready, cause it's holiday party time!

And you know what that means? Before the season is over, you'll likely to meet most of these party people.

THE DOUCHEBAG: Who invited him anyway? Everyone knows he's a douche. He's only here to prey on vulnerable women with daddy issues.

THE MARTYR: Life just keeps handing her lemons. Don't worry, she'll be fine after she makes the most exquisite lemonade she made from it. It is THE MOST exquisite isn't it?

THE WINDBAG: She doesn't care what the topic is. She's got something to say about it. She's the wind beside the wings at the buffet table.

THE ZEALOT: It may be politics, religion or his exercise regime. But, whatever IT is, there is NO other topic of conversation.

THE SWINGER: She doesn't care you're married. Hell, she's married too. In fact, maybe we could all get together for a private party some time, huh?

THE FOREIGNER: I'm sure he's totally fascinating, but I feel guilty I can't understand a word he's saying with his thick accent. So, I just smile and nod.

COMEDY CENTRAL: He's so hilarious. Maybe. Or maybe he just thinks he is.

THE STARLET: She's the one who pound for pound is wearing more make-up and hair product than sequined dress, which is probably why her boobs are falling out of it.

THE KNOW-IT-ALL: Prepare to be skool'd by this guy. And know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run.

THE ONE HIT WONDER: She'll be stuck like glue to you all night long like you're the only person at the party.

THE CLOSE TALKER: You can take a step back, but he'll only take a step forward. Your quest for personal space is futile.

THE CONFIDER: She's a a few weeks pregnant. Shhhh, she hasn't told anyone yet. Nor has she told her husband it might not be his, but she's telling you, a complete stranger.

THE FACEBOOK FRIEND: You don't even know how you got to be facebook friends with him in the first place. You've never talked to him before. So, you avoid him and just "like" a picture of the party on his wall tomorrow.

THE WALLFLOWER: She's the awkward girl alone in the corner fondling the flowers on the wall paper. Things will only get more awk-weird if you start a conversation with her.

And at the end of the night, you wonder why you just didn't stay home in your sweats with a glass of red watching Friends reruns.

10 comments: said...

Wow! You have SO many more friends that I.... but, I'm not sure I want to find these folks in my circle. As such, I'll consider myself blessed this one time that I lack all these friends. :-0

The Loerzels said...

@ Roy-I'm going to confess I'm a combo of the wall flower and when I find someone I can have a real conversation with, I morph into the one hit wonder.

Leah Griffith said...

This was a fun blog. Which category would you fall into?

Leah the blogger. She looks nothing like her photos and in person she's as quiet as a library only less interesting. Hmmm? LOL!!

The Loerzels said...

@ Leah-Do you really have to ask? I'm a total wallflower, but if I do get my social bearings I will totally monopolize a person I can have an intelligent and meaningful conversation with. I even left a party once with this really cool chick. Not in that swinger kinda way either. After our initial bonding moment, I found out later she was super type A and our friendship never progressed. C'est la vie.

Joy Page Manuel said...

I would hate to fall into any of those categories. I'm assuming there is the Normal character in all this? Or maybe there is 'the Writer'(?) (which would include you)...the one who stands back, observes, trying to get as much interesting writing material as possible! Hehehehe.....Like you though, I would much rather stay home :-)

Rachel Howells said...

I am the wallflower who always gets stuck with the "confider". I am a human confession booth, and after decades of this my brain is crammed with bizarre and sometimes alarming trivia about people, information I really would rather not know; okay, that's not quite true - they DO give me stuff to write about. ;-)

MuMuGB said...

Well, Marie, now I know why I am becoming more and more asocial.
To be fair, I kept being the 'foreigner' not nice!

Adriene said...

Luckily, I'm the one at home watching the Friends (or Twilight Zone) reruns because I don't do the Christmas holiday celebrations. Unless I just can't get out of it. Then I'm the smiling one plotting my exit at the opportune time!

joy said...

Funny post:) i wonder where I am to put myself in your categories:)
Happy though that I love to be at home than out with people:)
In blogworld, one can meet different kinds of people too.

Samantha Bangayan said...

Haha! I'm now tempted to categorize everyone at my Christmas party this Thursday. =P


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