Friday, December 7, 2012

Sick Mutha


It's day 6 of being sick. And I'm totally sick of it. The first 4 days were spent mainly on the couch. Resting and watching crap tv. Both of which I'm really crappy at. So while my body is resting, my mind is racing. With the hundreds of other things I should be doing.

I tried to keep myself quarantined. But, when you're a mom shit needs to get done. So, in between my resting. I went to Costco, to the school, did the laundry, cleaned the house, went to the passport agency. Ok, so the normal things I usually do. Except, I didn't work out this week. Well, sorta.

I still had to take the dogs out for their mid-day walk. Now I know that doesn't sound like a work out. But, I assure you, it is. Neither Bonnie, nor Clyde, definitely not Clyde, are good on the leash. Bonnie is just plain stubborn and Clyde likes to pull and bark at other dogs, squirrels, deer, rabbits and men. Of course we have tons of all these things in our neighborhood (in addition to hills). Once Clyde starts, Bonnie just joins in. The thing is, together they outweigh me by a good solid 40 pounds. Walking them on a normal day is a challange. Walking them this week has flippin' sucked.

First there's the Jehovah Witness lady who sees me with the dogs trying to wrangle an untangle myself from the leashes while holding a big ole' bag o'poo who tries to give me a pamphlet. How the crap am I supposed to take the pamphlet with this shit in my hand? But I did, cause I wanted to save the world. Because I knew that while some people would throw it in the trash. I, on the other hand, would recycle it. Wait. Dammit. I think that was last week. Right it was.

This week, some chick with her one little 10 pound dog tries to start a cute little conversation with me about how her dog pulls her too. Equating our dog walking trials and tribulations. Meanwhile, I'm trying to pull Bonnie and Clyde in the opposite direction of her little dog. Let's just call him Milkbone. I've dug my heels into the ground and leaned my entire body backwards to try to counterbalance the weight of my dogs lunging at precious lil' Milkbone. Somehow this eludes her. Now, I've veered off the sidewalk to avoid her and am standing on dry leaves. Which makes the dogs and I waterski leafski directly into Milkbone. Now, I'm usually a happy peace loving person. But this week, I'm a sick mutha and I'm freakin' exhausted and using everything I've got to protect your dog. So, I'm pissed that she's clueless and I want nothing more than to sneeze on her. Cause I'm a sick mutha like that.


I'm totally babbling. And not making sense. But, today, while driving to do errands in the car I discovered the one benefit of being sick. One thing that I can only do with my deep sick voice. Sing this song.



Oh, I know I'm tone deaf and can't sing. I promise not to do it again. Just to clarify, I'm not on drugs. Except the inhaler. Did I mention I get a little loopy when I get sick? Cause I do.

Now accepting well wishes.




8 comments:

Gary said...

Get well sooner, Marie!

Lots of deep voices and coughing around here too. Fortunately, no urges to test our lower register have surfaced as of yet. Except for a little Barry White action.

I'm no doctor but it appeared that your illness peaked at about 3:01 into the clip, right after the inhaler hit. You should be on the mend now!

Cerebrations.biz said...

May your ailments evanesce (although after four days, that verb hardly qualifies)...
And, remember, being sick among family members is the gift that keeps on giving!

Chantel said...

Girl, I laughed so hard at "milkbone!" And should we ever land in the same corner of the universe, we're going out for karaoke.

Feel better soon darling....

Joy Page Manuel said...

Hope you feel better soon Marie! Although I kinda do like you even more in this loopy/drugged state, hehehehehheh! My son is sick too so I'm kind of an inch away from being admitted to the psych ward again. Oh well......

Rachel Howells said...

LOL - reminded me of the actress Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live) who I think is hysterical.

The Loerzels said...

@ Chantel-And there will be wine!
@Joy-I'm finally on the upswing. So swing-y in fact I went to pole dance class today!
@ Rachel-I'm going to keep that compliment deep inside me so I can barf it up whenever I need it. But, I fear I may need it so often that it may broach on anorexia. So maybe that's not a good idea.

Samantha Bangayan said...

Hilarity!! The video was the icing on the cake. Couldn't on the laughter in. =) Oh, and get well very soon!!

MuMuGB said...

Get well soon Marie! Here is some French wisdom: have a glass (or two) of warm mulled wine to make it all go away!

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