Thursday, March 17, 2016


I'm not a hoarder myself, but I live with four of them.  And they feed off of each other.  But really, they feed off of me because I buy the food.  Actually,  I suppose, we all feed off of my husband because he makes the money that buys the food.  But that's not the point.  The point is my kids are hoarders.

If my kids don't like the food at home, then there's nothing to eat.
But, if they do, there's still nothing to eat.
Because they ate it all. 

Either way, my kids are always unhappy.  I guess teens and tweens only come in a disconsolate model anyway, so I shouldn't complain.  Not that that's going to stop me from complaining.  Cause it's not.  Because I can never win at this parenting gig.  Not that it's about winning.  But, can't I win sometimes?  Like once a year?  I'd even take biennially.  Come on and give me something here.  Anything.   Maybe a couple bucks for my own personal Feed the Children campaign?  Which only consists of my kids.  

Only because my kids hid all the food from the other kids.  

This is what they do to ensure that they get the good cereal, crackers or whatever else is trending in our house that particular week.  Even though, I don't buy anything particularly good anymore.  Because it'll be gone in less than 3 minutes. Which is probably why my youngest has found a dealer with the goods at school.  She deals in pudding cups, cookies and candies.  Oddly, she gives these things away for free and doesn't hoard them.  Maybe she's an only child.  Because I can't even find any other explanation.   Unless she's trying to buy friends.  In which case, it's totally working.  She might even grow up to be president one day.  

This only helps to prove my point even more. 

I don't need to buy them food they like, because they will scavenge it for themselves.  I'm not even convinced I need to buy them food at all.  Case in point, my son works at the cafeteria at school to earn a free lunch even though I have food at home for him to bring.  He's just too lazy to pack it. However, he's not too lazy to choose to work for crappy school lunch that came out of a can from a 1950's bomb shelter somewhere.  Cause come on you know your kid's horrid hot lunch comes was derived during the cold war.  Preservatives will help them lead a long life, just as it did for Lenin.  

Wait....what was my point again?
I got distracted looking for a hiding spot for my chocolate stash before my kids get home from school.


joeh said...

My wife hides food from me, and gets very upset if I find it.

Matt Rich said...

11 could exist completely on ice cream sandwiches and Texas Pete. Sometimes simultaneously. Fortunately it's hard to stash the ice cream sandwiches for extended periods.


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