Monday, March 28, 2016


There are so many annoying things that kids do.  And what gets you through the early years is the thought that when they're teenagers they'll be so much more capable and independent.  Which of course will make them less annoying.  However, that's not the case.  Yes, they're more capable and independent, but counterintuitively, it makes them even more annoying.    Because often they don't use those attributes at home.  Hopefully, they do when they're at their friends' houses.  But, who knows really?

At home, my kids do ridiculous, nonsensical things
 that annoy the hell out me.  

Like one of my kids will ask me a question in the third person when the person they are inquiring about is sitting right next to them.  RIGHT NEXT TO THEM!  Such pivotal questions as, "Does Jade like mayonnaise?"  Are you kidding me?  "Jade is sitting right next to you, ask her yourself!"  Also,  this is my response because I have 4 kids and sometimes I kinda forget the answer to these basic questions.  Dammit, is it River or Jade who doesn't like mayo?   Which makes me feel like a loser mom.  So, it's just best to put it all back on the kids, so they don't realize how inadequate of a mother I truly am.

Then there's asking questions that they already know the answer to.  Which they will do multiple times a day.  In  complete sentences.  Surrounded by evidence of the answer.  With the answer to the question inside the question.  *Spaghetti sauce jar on the kitchen counter accompanied by a pot of boiling water and a box of pasta*  "Are we having spaghetti for dinner?"  Are you even kidding me?  That doesn't even dignify a response.  I learned this tactic from my kids.  Like when I ask them to do things around the house and they ignore me.   I didn't even mention when they ask questions with their ear buds in and then get mad when you answer and they can't hear it.  Cause ear buds.

But, I like the ear buds so much more than when they blare their music on the main floor and I'm subjected to listening to their crap ass music.  I mean, I can suck it up, bite my tongue and not openly judge their poor taste in music.  But, I'll do this for a couple of hours before I realize that the kid that turned on the music walked away immediately afterward.  And then I'm all pissy because I've been listening to music I hate with every fiber of my being for absolutely no reason.  I get absolutely no credit for being a martyr if no one is around to witness my martyrdom!   And personally, I blame Pitbull for this.  Actually, I have a litany of blame I'd be happy to spread around to other artists I also dislike.

But, I'm too busy debating other things.  And so are my kids.  In fact, they spend the majority of time that they are together debating things.  Some of those are opinions.  Which makes sense to debate.  But, a majority of the things they debate are facts.  Facts that are extremely googleable.  And they could have the definitive answer on who's right, along with bragging rights in less than 2 minutes flat. In fact, I have BEGGED them to google things. And I have threatened to sign them up for the debate club.  But, then they told me they don't have a debate club, only a forensics club.  And then they told me all about how stupid that name was in minute detail.   After that whole, long debate, I was way too exhausted to sign them up.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.  There are tons of these annoyances in my house, just like there are in yours.  But, I thought I'd stop before I annoy the hell out of you.  Because then, you'll stop reading my blog.  And then who will listen to me bitch and complain about my teenagers?  WHO?  No one, that's who.


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