Thursday, May 21, 2015

My Bad Attitude

I've been spinning my wheels for a while now.  Feeling like failure, but also feeling like I have the individual components of what it takes to be successful.  I have talent, I work hard and I'm authentic with good intentions.  So what's holding me back?  My bad attitude.

Not to brag or anything, but I'm really successful at failing.  

See what I mean?  This is my self defeatist mindset.  I'm also ridiculously cynical.  So a while ago, I was nominated for some kind of blog award thing by an anonymous person.  Instead of being flattered,  I just assumed it was some kind of scam.  Because why wouldn't it be?  So I did what any true self loathing skeptic would do, I ignored it, deleted the notification and went on with my life as if it never happened.  But, what if it was real?  

Don't try to give me a compliment or do me any favors,  because I'll reject them.   

I don't mean to be an ungrateful bitch, I swear!  It's not that I think that I'm better than anyone else, in fact,  I'm positive I'm not.  It's just how can I rightfully accept something I don't deserve?   But now that I'm putting it into writing and see it in print on my screen,  I can see how it would turn people off.  To give a gift, only to receive a slap in the face in the return.  Which is absolutely not my intention at all.   

If I'm ever going to succeed, I need to fix my bad attitude.
But what if I have a fear of failure and a fear of success?
What do I do then?

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