I've been spinning my wheels for a while now. Feeling like failure, but also feeling like I have the individual components of what it takes to be successful. I have talent, I work hard and I'm authentic with good intentions. So what's holding me back? My bad attitude.
Not to brag or anything, but I'm really successful at failing.
See what I mean? This is my self defeatist mindset. I'm also ridiculously cynical. So a while ago, I was nominated for some kind of blog award thing by an anonymous person. Instead of being flattered, I just assumed it was some kind of scam. Because why wouldn't it be? So I did what any true self loathing skeptic would do, I ignored it, deleted the notification and went on with my life as if it never happened. But, what if it was real?
Don't try to give me a compliment or do me any favors, because I'll reject them.
I don't mean to be an ungrateful bitch, I swear! It's not that I think that I'm better than anyone else, in fact, I'm positive I'm not. It's just how can I rightfully accept something I don't deserve? But now that I'm putting it into writing and see it in print on my screen, I can see how it would turn people off. To give a gift, only to receive a slap in the face in the return. Which is absolutely not my intention at all.
If I'm ever going to succeed, I need to fix my bad attitude.
But what if I have a fear of failure and a fear of success?
What do I do then?