Thursday, November 21, 2013

House of Destruction

I've been in a funk for the last couple of days.  And not in a Rick James kind of way either.  I think it's cause it's birthday season combined with the holidays combined with finishing the self publishing process combined with constant stress of four kids.  

Kids who seem dead set on taunting me by destroying our house and everything that's in it.

This is the mark one of them left on the door when he put a piece of packaging tape over the door and then wrote "explosive" in pencil on the tape.  Never mind that I've explained a million times that the only tape that can go on interior walls and doors is masking tape because it's the only one that doesn't take varnish off.

This toothbrush has been on the floor for over 3 days.  I don't know whose it is.  But one of my kids either hasn't brushed their teeth in over 3 days or has decided the floor is truly the best place for it to be stored while destroying their immune system at the same time.  Unless that's storing it in the toilet tank.

Leaving the pantry door open constantly, isn't in and of itself destructive.  But if our dogs eat the kids breakfast cereals and snacks and get type 2 diabetes, then it is.

The other day, the kids thought it would be fun to switch all their pictures on the wall, to when they were little.  Now the little metal tabs are all screwed up and no one hangs straight.

Last night, while I was making dinner, the kids were playing quietly together in my room on the stripper pole, I knew something was up.  But, I didn't dare go up there because I was in my happy place cooking.  I was not in my happy place when I was cleaning up after dinner and discovered that they took all the sheets off my bed and somehow got an ink stain on my bedspread.  Really?  They know my bed is off-limits.  Not that it matters.

But, the kicker came this morning when a plant was watered.  I know that sounds nurturing and sweet. Except it must have been watered via monsoon because there was water everywhere.  And if you look to see what's below the plant, yup, it's my computer stick drive.  With my book on it.  That got drenched!

And when that cord of wood got dumped in my driveway, I thought stacking it would give me some stress relief.  Yes indeed it would.  Because the kids are gonna stack it all outside the house.  As penance for their crimes of destruction.  

And I might not let them back in.

9 comments: said...

Look at the bright side, Marie...
They are all working together!

joeh said...

Please post a picture of what that stack looks like!

Don't worry about the toothbrush, all those germs will actually help improve his immune system. Living in a sterile environment is not always healthy.

The Loerzels said...

@ Roy-Should I be happy about that?
@Joeh-Wednesday is our crazy night, so we saved it for tonight. Of course it snowed overnight. And we actually predicate the kids lives on what doesn't kill them makes them stronger. Virally and bacterially speaking of course.

Joy Page Manuel said...

God knows where you get your patience. Umm, actually, maybe from Him or Her...most likely. Kudos to you Marie!

Angel The Alien said...

At least they find creative ways of amusing themselves!

Muriel Jacques said...

Well, on the bright side, it looks like your kids are happy and confident !

Hermann R. said...

With the addition of a tiny wing, some tail feathers and a little beak augmentation, you got yourself a Twitter Bird ink spot! (in case it doesn't come out)

The Loerzels said...

@ Joy-it's not patience, I've just accepted that everything in my house is going to have the distressed look. Including me!
@Angel-This is true. And none of them have murdered a sibling. Yet.
@ Muriel-Oh, yes my kids are confident destroyers of the universe.
@ Hermann-I like the way you think!

Blogger said...

I have just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the best virtual strippers on my desktop.


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