Monday, July 1, 2013

Wearing Many Hats

I've had raging acne since the age of 11.  I'd tried everything to get it under control.  Well, almost.  Until I was in my late 30's with more disposable income, and finally tried an elixir of birth control pills and Retin-A.  Which finally after more than 20 years, of not having a zit free face, did the trick.  The thing about retinoids is they make you sensitive to the sun.  So, I load up on sun screen layers thick, sit in the shade whenever possible and I wear hats. I have one for every occasion.

Me with no make up and no flattering instagram filter,
making me look a bit Octomom-ish
Check out my huge furrowed brow.  I would cover it up with bangs, if I hadn't tried that in the 80's and 90's and can confirm I look completely stupid with thin, straggly, curly bangs.  And you're crazy if you think I'm getting botox to erase the lines I hate. Cause I hate botox more.

I always thought I looked horrible in hats...

She's a man, baby!
This is the first hat I ever fell in love with.  I found it in the men's section of Marshalls.  It said Obey, so I did and bought it immediately.

Looking Suzanne Sommers, where's my thigh master?
This is the second hat I fell in love with because of its maximum forehead coverage.  Although I always feel very 70's nostalgic in it.  Like eating a frozen tv dinner, petting my pet rock and wearing my earth shoes while watching Three's Company on roller skates.

Sammy Davis meets Sammy Hagar
This is my third favorite.  Also a fantastic brow minimizer.  I feel all card shark in it like I should take up cigar smoking.  And drinking whiskey in Las Vegas.  But, old classy 50's Vegas.  Unless it's more Blossom.


Bad Mojo....she's bad.  Really bad.
I didn't know I had an enormous head until I needed to buy a LARGE helmet for roller derby.  And that painted on voodoo doll?  I think it only hexed me and not anyone else on the track.

Do rag on a stick
Then there's the do rag I wore underneath my hexing helmet like underwear to prevent itching and chaffing.  It didn't make my tiny frame look any more intimidating.  Nor did the tutu and fishnets.

My dream hair, no blowdryer required
This was me going to the roller derby prom a month after I shaved my head for St. Baldrick's Day.  I'm wearing my dream hair wig.  Please note the thick straight hair and great bangage.  Also, note it's itchy as hell or I would wear that thing every day.

The English Patience
Ah, the turban.  Requiring lots of patience to wrap it and only minimal brow coverage, that's why I'm wearing huge bug glasses, to minimize the gap.

Grease monkey in Levi's 
My favorite camping hat used to cover my greasy unwashed hair while providing shade for my greasy unwashed face.  Let's not even get into how funky my pits are.

She wore a raspberry beret...
This was me on Halloween in Morocco where there aren't costume shops.  So I went as the chick from the Prince song Raspberry Beret, which I thought was hilarious.  But,  I had to explain my costume to every person I encountered.  So, it stopped being funny quick.  Then I just said I was Sgt. Pepper.


Gesamtkunstwerk
The hat my neighbor Carol crocheted.  I think I look like a natural blond in it.  But, I should never sing opera.  Or anything else for that matter.

New Edition (and I don't mean the band)
This is my newest sunhat.  You had me at orange.  With a smirk.

So, if you see me out in about, I'm probably looking goofy, wearing one of my many hats.  Unless you're unlucky enough to be blinded by the reflection off of my huge shiny forehead.

7 comments:

Leah Griffith said...

Marie, you look great in hats. I love the turban! That's a great photo. I never wear hats, although I love them. When I lived in St. Croix, all the local women wore hats on a regular basis. Big fancy Kentucky Derby hats.
You may have inspired me to buy a hat! LOL!!

The Loerzels said...

I didn't think I did either, but I bet you'd look fabulous! Let's go thrift store hat shopping together. Ok, maybe not at the thrift store...

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

You look wonderful in hats, and I love the orange one. I look terrible in hats, but I have to protect against the sun, too. Now I want to go looking for a big orange floppy one.

Chantel said...

Oh the orange is LOVERLY! But you really had me with the do rag/tutu/fishnet ensemble...

Cerebrations.biz said...

Hats off to you, Marie!

Joy Page Manuel said...

Love the hats and for me, the more androgynous (or even boyish) the style, the better! You look great in all of them!

Lucy Patterson said...

You're definitely a hat girl :-)
I'm wearing them more and more these days as I seem to be having either more bad hair days, or maybe just more 'I can't be bothered to do my hair' days!

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