Friday, March 29, 2013

The Inquisition


My kids have always been really, really inquisitive.  In theory, I love their curious nature.  In reality, it drives me insane. I decided to categorize some types of annoying questions the kids ask.  First, let me tell you the most commonly asked question in our house.  "What's for dinner?" The second?  "Who farted?"  

THAT'S NOT A QUESTION QUESTION:  

I just told the kids we're leaving for soccer practice in 5 minutes that they need to bring their hoodie, a water bottle.  "Mom, are we going to soccer practice in 5 minutes?  Do I need a water bottle and a hoodie?"  Obviously you heard me the first time cause you're parroting it back to me.  That's not a question!

DUH, THAT'S OBVIOUS QUESTION:

I'm in the kitchen, standing in front of a boiling pot on the stove.  Next to me is a box of pasta and a jar of sauce.  Don't EVEN ask me what we're having for dinner.  I won't answer, because it's pretty damn obvious!

THE THIRD PERSON QUESTION:

This happens all the time in our house.  We're all in the kitchen and someone will have a very important question to ask me.  "Does Jade like tomatoes?"  Having 4 kids, I know Sky loves tomatoes, River and Ember hate them.  But, having 4 kids, I don't remember if Jade likes them or not.  But, she's right freaking next to you, ask HER!

SHOUTING QUESTION:

Inevitably a kid will shout a question from downstairs up or vice versa.  Inevitably this is right after they just left the room I was in.  Like when I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth.  "MOM?  WHERE ARE YOU???" This is not the mystery of the century people.  I'm still upstairs brushing my teeth, exactly where I was 4 seconds ago.  Of course they don't do it just once, they'll shout it at least 3 more times.  By the time I'm done brushing my teeth I'm pissed. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO SHOUT ACROSS THE HOUSE?"  Crap, I just shouted back breaking my own rule!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M ASKING QUESTION:

We have one kid who has always had an extremely hard time even articulating what the question is.  So, we try to help him narrow it down offering suggestions, but usually it turns out more like we're on the losing charades team.  A lot of times it ends with a frustrated and sarcastic "never mind"!

THE AMNESIA QUESTION:

"Wait a minute, what did you say we're having for dinner again?"  Dude, I said it 3 times, there's taco shells and shredded cheese on the counter and it smells like freakin' Mexico in here, come on!  

THE WHAT IF QUESTION:

"What if, the whole world was on fire and all the firetrucks used all the water to try to put them out?  What would you make for dinner?"  This is my least favorite and it leads directly into the last type of question.

THE HANGER:  

When the questions are  ridiculous, shouted from across the room, about someone else or what-ifs I try not to answer them.  Thus, the hanger.  This is the most painful type.  It is so hard NOT to answer a question and it just hangs in the air taunting you to completely lose it.   For the next 5 minutes I'm steaming trying to keep my mouth shut and look calm in front of the kids, hoping it will dissipate.   Even if that one does, there's always another one.

Ewwwww.....who farted?


6 comments:

LauraD said...

Marie: This. Is. Awesome.

We're not actually quite there yet, although, when I do refuse to shout a response to a question ... my children get EVEN MORE MAD. Like, why are you ignoring me?

Because, I told you I am not going to yell and I am not going to visit your room 100 times, just so you can ask me 100 questions. So, when you come to me and ask me a question in a nice tone, then we can talk ... Ohhh the joys of motherhood!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Right now, at ages 4 and 6 the grandkids ask some pretty decent questions. But then they follow up with a whole string of Why? It's hard not to laugh, or eventually to get frustrated.

Chantel said...

Whenever asked the "what's for dinner?" I always reply "Food." Or "Dog crap." Depending on my mood.

On a bad day: "Dog crap with gravy."

The Loerzels said...

@ Laura- Wait til you are cause....This. Is. Awesome!
@BOG-We're still at that stage. My oldest is 14 and he'll ask why he can't drive. I leave that as a hanger.
@Chantel-We must be related, I usually say "poop"!

Sine Thieme said...

OMG I get the exact same questions. The only one you don't have here is when my two girls are talking with each other and ask a string of "would you rather be a toilet plunger or a toilet" questions. Got that exact one today, I swear it. doesn't technically count as it's not me who is asked, but still, drives me absolutely crazy that people in my house have time for such utter BS while I'm busy cooking dinner. And yes, they will throw in a "what's for dinner" while they're busy with their questions.

The Loerzels said...

@Sine-How could I forget that one?

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