And so it's started. The goodbye season. The out flux of friends headed to distant lands. Scattering like marbles dropped on the floor. And I'm not gonna lie, some of those marbles you're glad rolled all the way to Timbuktu never to be seen or heard from again. But, then there's the others. The ones who roll away as fevered tears roll down your cheeks.
It sucks. And it's all too familiar.
It was just a little over two years ago, an ocean and clean lettuce away from here, in Colorado that I cried these same tears. I'd never in my adult life lived anywhere five years before. It was hard at first. My feet got itchy and secretly, or not so secretly, dreamt of moving somewhere exotic. But, we loved Colorado, so we stayed. And I settled for the seemingly quiet and mundane life. After a few years I realized something had crept up on me. Roots. And, it wasn't from the house we bought or even Colorado itself. It was the friends that we'd made there.
A couple years later that exotic adventure I'd longed for came our way. We packed up everything and moved to Morocco.
No matter how old you are, moving is never easy. Especially with kids. Who I worried about adjusting and making friends in our new home away from home. So, I didn't give much thought to me and making friends. Anyway, after years of moving you can develop a very guarded exterior that is hard to penetrate. You learn to be both friendly but aloof at the same time. Shielding your heart from investing too much in any one person that you will eventually need to say goodbye too. Anyway, I already had friends.
I thought that old armored perimeter would safeguard me. Thank god I was wrong.
Now the good byes start.
The goodbyes to friends I won't share the day to day trivialities with.
Ones I've shared in their joys and successes with.
And been devastated to the core by their tragedies.
Then there's the people I've just gotten to know, but want to know better.
And the confidants who listen to me, support me, encourage me and believe in me.
Did I mention I totally suck at goodbyes? Which is why I'm writing this because I will completely incapable of spitting out coherent sentences through the tears and inevitable boogery blubberness that will ensue.
But let me just say this, what I didn't mention about those scattering marbles in the beginning?
Well, my friends, we are not the old fashioned glass marbles. No. No, we're the new modern magnetic marbles. So where ever you are in the world. You will feel me pulling for you.
And you know I'll be pulling for you to move to Colorado...
6 comments:
Goodbyes are never easy! I think that you have given to your kids some great memories. As they say here: onwards and upwards!
Ah, Marie, this is, indeed, the mark of community. When the separation forbodes more than the enticement of new adventure.
A suggestion- an annual gathering of the friends at some neutral (distance wise), NEW location. To provide adventures together and reminisces from the past...
This is a beautiful and touching post, Marie, and one I can definitely relate to. I am thankful that you wrote these words and verbalized them for me: " a very guarded exterior that is hard to penetrate. You learn to be both friendly but aloof at the same time". That pretty much characterizes me, I would imagine. As for the marble analogy, I think that traditional marbles morph into the modern, magnetic ones in time and once true friendship is found. Wonderful!
One of the key things with this newish electronic world: you can Skype (group video); text; instant IMs, and continue to blog.
No, it's not the same as someone being right there. I know it. But...it's better than just totally walking away.
"after years of moving you can develop a very guarded exterior that is hard to penetrate. You learn to be both friendly but aloof at the same time. Shielding your heart from investing too much in any one person that you will eventually need to say goodbye too."
You are a philosopher. Or a psychoanalyst. Describes me to a T.
Marie, losing your marbles is no fun. But...I have a feeling that you are losing nothing. The friends you have made will stay in your life throughout the years. It's great having friends from all over the world because it gives you places to visit for cheap because you can stay with them;)
When my kids were 6 & 8, we packed them up and moved them to the US Virgin Islands, and there we lived for five years. From there we lived in NC and Florida. I've also lived in Hawaii. So, we now have open invites to all these places.
I'm glad that you're moving closer to me; it's selfish of me I know, but at least now there is a chance that I might make it your way, or you might make it to Florida. Keep your chin up sweet Marie, new adventures, and friends await you.
Big hugs!
Leah
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