Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Ex Factor
My Dearest Ex,
When it was good, it was so good. We had some great years together. We supported one another, but lately things have changed. Our relationship just isn't healthy anymore. There's one thing I want you to know. See, no one loves you more than me and no one ever will..
These days you come in and out of my life like there's a revolving door. I can never find you when I need you. And then when you do show up, you're all dirty and wilty and covered in bugs. Oh I tried to get you clean with the vinegar and the scrub brush. But in the end it didn't even matter. The only thing you give to me anymore is parasites. And that's not the kind of reciprocity I'm looking for.
So I've replaced you with Waldorf. Yeah, sure he's packing a few extra calories, but let's be honest, so are you. I can always find him when I need him. And so what if he's covered in a thin veil of dangerous pesticides. Those will take years to make me sick. In the meantime, we're having a lot of candlelight dinners together until late in the evening. I just thought you should know.
It's time for you to move on. Maybe in time you'll find another girl to spend time with. But she won't be me. So don't call to me in the grocery store, the hanut or the medina because I'll act like I don't see you. I think that's what's best for both of us. I'll always remember the meals we shared together. I'll just have to love you from afar.