Monday, August 29, 2011

Kate and Allie

Remember the 80's tv sitcom Kate and Allie? Please tell me I'm not the only person dorky and old enough to have this as a cultural reference of their youth. Ok, let me jog your memory. Two single moms live together raising their kids, hilarity ensues complete with canned clapping infused in post production. (Just to make sure you know it's funny and all.) Well, that was me and Kirsten and our collective 6 kids when we visited Colorado. My house is being rented out, so for 10 days the kids and I are staying at Kirsten's. And for the next ten days Kirsten and I are Kate and Allie. I'm not sure which one I am, but if I had to guess I'd say I'm Allie because Jane Curtain and I have the same gummy smile. Which is why I give that smirky I'm not showing my teeth smile...


We moved to Colorado in December 2004 and I was on a quest. Since I had so carefully chosen Colorado totally out of the blue to be our new permanent home, I wanted carefully chosen girlfriends. Ok, so Colorado wasn't carefully chosen, but I did take friend making extremely serious. Seriously, I did. Who wants to end up with soul sucking vampire friends? And you know that they exist because you've probably got at least one. And at this point, you know not even horrific garlic breath will make them go away.

So one day in early 2005 soon after we arrived in our new home of record, I was at the park with the kids when I struck up a conversation with another mom at the park. We were having a lovely chat and I surreptitiously checked for fangs and didn't see any. I liked her and hoped she wasn't a werewolf in sheep's clothing because I don't know how to check for that. Things were going great until we had to go because one of the kids had some urgent business that can not be attended to at the park with the closed restroom. And then her cell phone rang. Damn it. What are the chances that I would run into her again and I don't even know her name. The next day I'm at the library and I see her. Ok, I have this weird thing where I assume people won't remember me and I feel really gooby and awkward. Actually in all honesty I always feel gooby and awkward. But she does remember me. But that's probably because I just met her the day before. We exchange numbers and voila, I officially have one friend, and her name is Judy.

That August, we go to River's kindergarten orientation and meet his teacher and other kids in his class. His tablemate is Quinn. And in the flurry of putting the boys crayons away his mom and I start talking. Her name is Kirsten. Since it's not a common name I tell her I have a friend Kiersten (different spelling, same pronunciation). Kirsten's daughter is Molly. Oh my god, my Kiersten has a daughter Molly too! And come to think of it their son's middle name is Quinn. This is when I think she's starting to think I'm a big fat liar. Then somehow Judy comes up. You know Judy? I'm friends with Judy too! That's it. She staring at me blankly like I'm a total psycho. Because come on, I sound like a total psycho liar.

And I'm not a psycho liar. I'm a stalker. Day after day, I'd casually show up early at kindergarten drop off looking for opportunities to make conversation (which I totally suck at, trust me on this one). Then I'd linger and let the kids play for a bit after pick up. I like her and I want her to like me too. Not only that, but the women she hung out with were totally cool, laid back, had great kids and a huge one for me, they're funny. And that is how I became friends with an amazing bunch of women. I wore them down. I think Judy may have vouched for me too, although I'm not quite sure what she had to go on. But she is from California and I think people there know a stalker is just a friend you haven't met yet. It's been 6 years since then and for the last year and a half of that I've been in Morocco missing them.

Here are just a couple excerpts of the adventures of Kate and Allie (and friends) from our trip.

Episode 1:
The reunion show where everything is so comfortably familiar you wonder if its a re-run.

Episode 2:
The one where River's hair catches on fire. I would personally like to find a way to make this one scratch and sniff.

Episode 3:
The great hunt for the Albino Sasquatch and proof he really does exist. (Upcoming post.)

Episode 4:
The pork loin that almost wasn't, co-narrated by the non-existent bbq grill and broken oven.

Episode 5:
The camping episode that proves that night terrors are definitely scarier than ghost stories.

Episode 6:
Swords vs. air soft guns. Are limbs and eye balls really necessary?

Episode 7:
The no-this-isn't-the-Andy Griffith-show-even-though-the-bar-in-town-closes-at-9pm-like-it-would-in-Mayberry show.

Episode 8:
The serious episode that tackles the humiliation that is IPCAYKOS (Inappropriate Public Crying at Your Kids Old School)

Episode 9:
When an old flame returns will sparks fly or is love lost forever? A middle school harlequin romance.

Episode 10:
One of the kids says they aren't getting on the plane to return to Morocco. Viewer discretion is advised.

After 24 hours of travel with 4 exhausted and irritable kids and we're back in Morroco. Let me just say there are no words for how unfun this return trip was in so many ways. Only 10 months left. I can do this! We can do this!

I'd like to dedicate this post to all my Colorado girlfriends. Remember, just when you think you're all by yourself, you're not. But that's probably because I'm long-distance stalking you, you know facebook style. And in case you haven't figured it out yet, yes, I am your soul sucking vampire friend...


Grace said...

Well that sounds like a hectic time. With friends, though, it sounds like fun.

Robyn said...

hahah! loved that're not the only one! Great to have a friend like that...although I did no stalking at schools on my are alone there! :)


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