Earlier this week I went to a college information night at my son's school. How is it even possible that he's a senior in high school already? Because it wasn't all that long ago that I was a senior in high school. And why did I go to college information night and not bring a pen? Oh. Maybe because I'm out of practice because it's been 28 years since I was in high school. Wait...that can't be right. Maybe math has changed since I was in school and it's only been like 8 years. I never was good at math.
Thank god you never use high school math in the real world.
Also, Miss Tzitzis I never regretted dropping your math class like you said I would.
My only regret was not dropping it sooner.
Well, I might have some other regrets about my senior year. Mostly, my senior picture. Because look at it. I didn't go to some fancy studio. Or get my hair done by a professional. I know it's shocking, but I made my hair look like a UFO on my own. It's totally true. And the caterpillar shaped eyebrows? They're natural. I know. These were my pre-plucking days. Then there were those shoulder pads that made me look like I was on the football team. I wasn't, just for clarification. These, and the fact that I looked like a scrawny guy throughout high school, may be reasons I wasn't asked to prom. (Don't worry, I did go to prom because I asked a guy from work to take me.)
And that was about the extent of my crazy senior year. Because I didn't go to a football game. I skipped out on senior skip day. The homecoming dance? Nope. Insane, epic house parties? Not so much. I basically went to school and worked. Which makes for an extremely clean yearbook for my kids to peruse now, because there's nothing incriminating in it. Unless "stay sweet" is condemnatory. Which it just might be. It gets worse. My prom date asked me what my favorite TV show was. And I confessed: 60 Minutes.
Basically, I was a senior citizen in high school.
Don't worry, things got really crazy in college. Like I took the 8am classes. Because I was totally excited to learn about international politics, the philosophy of religion and Russian at that time in the morning. I'm not even joking. I know it's insane. But really, at that time in the morning there is no line for the dorm showers. None. Who's the smart one now, huh? Not that I was actually smart. I wasn't. I was just smart enough to know that I really had to work my ass off if I wanted to completely waste my parents' money by getting a useless bullshit degree in political science. That's after I changed my major from business, when I realized being successful in business requires math. That's when I changed my major to politics which doesn't require any math. It's more philosophy meets current events with lots of drama and backstabbing. So, it was super entertaining. Really, it was reality TV before reality TV existed. Back in the Neolithic Era that was the late 80's and early 90's.
Don't worry, things really did get crazy when I got my master's degree. I borrowed thousands of dollars I'd have to pay back with interest to get another useless bullshit degree, this time in Public Administration. Which is way more boring than political science. But now, I was married working a full-time job, a part-time job and going to school at the same time. However, now I was living in Miami in the early 90's, which was the really hot party capital at the time. Well, I was actually living in North Miami Beach. Which, if you're familiar, is the senior citizen capital of the entire state of Florida. And probably even all of North America. But bonus, the apartment we lived in was completely quiet after 6pm, after Jeopardy was over of course. Which was perfect for studying and then getting to bed at a reasonable time so I could be up and well rested for work in the morning.
If only I could go back to high school for some senior moments...
But, I do have a lot of senior moments in my future...
...when I'm a senior citizen.
Unless I already am one.