Thursday, September 1, 2016

Rock Chick

I've always loved rock.  I think mostly I connect with the angst.  But, this post isn't about music.  This post is about the eyeliner I've worn almost every day for over 8 years in the perfect medium gray with just a touch of shimmer named Rock Chick.

Yeah, I'm about to get girly on your ass!
And you're gonna like it.

Some things only come around once in your lifetime.  And I firmly believe the perfect eyeliner that can be worn with ripped jeans and chucks but also with a dress to your husband's work Christmas party only to hide in a corner because you're extremely socially anxious, is one of them.  I found it where you find everything you want but really don't need.  Target.  And I made a bulls eye straight for it.  

It was the perfect neutral.  It wasn't drama queen black or boring brown.  But, it wasn't hippy purple or attention-whore blue either.  A light swipe makes your eyes sparkle illuding everyone who talks to you into thinking you're really interested in what they have to say, thus, making you really interesting.  A heavier-handed application feigns a sexy Harvard educated Natalie Portman vibe.  That's the power this eyeliner has.  

Before I moved to Morocco, I hoarded it like the drugstore whore that I am.  I rocked the kasbah in my rock chick eye liner for two and a half years.  And when I returned home to the land of plenty, I was still rockin' in the free world with lots to spare.  Until about a month ago when I realized I'd shaved my stash down to the last pencil.  No worries I thought.  This is America, dammit.  Just a quick trip to the store and I'll be restocked and back to fooling everyone into believing I'm intelligent and interesting again.  

But, of course that wasn't the case. 

Because, a quick trip to the store is a myth.  Not only that, Rock Chick was discontinued.  Noooooooooooooooo.....this can't be happening!  What do I do now?  So, I did what any woman would do.  I stalked it on the internet.  Surely, there had to be some overstock somewhere.  Or eBay.  Something.  But, no, it was too late.  Rock Chick had passed on years ago.  And now all I could hear in my head was Adele.  "...Never mind, I'll find someone like you..." How did it come to this?  Me singing minivan mom pop music.  I'd lost my mind.  But even worse, I'd lost my edge.  

I scrounged the drugstores desperately searching for a replacement for Rock Chick, but I was only left disappointed and then agitated.  Partly because I knew what I had to do.  This drugstore whore had to sellout and go to Sephora.  Where the makeup is twice the price and the sales associates are twice as pretentious.  

I walked in knowing I didn't belong there among all the cool kids with their meticulous make-up and etched on eyebrows.  I skirted the perimeter of the store while avoiding eye contact looking like a shoplifter.  It probably didn't help that I was rummaging through my purse with an Urban Decay eye liner in my hand.  But, I'm no thief.  I was searching for my beloved Rock Chick I brought with me to color match it.  It was here somewhere.  Concealed under my wallet, notepad, chapstick, checkbook, paint swatches, gum wrappers, tampons and the reading glasses I'd need to put on if I  actually wanted to see if the two tribal marks on my hand (making me look like a Patty Smyth wannabe from the Warrior video) did in fact match.

And that's how Uzi became my eyeliner. 
If you give something a rockin' name, I'm totally gonna buy it.  

I further confess, I'm totally a Patty Smyth, Pat Benetar, Chrissie Hynde wannabe.  Cause they rock!

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