Sunday, February 24, 2013

Hidden Treasures




As the kids get older, they are much more aware of their need for privacy. I get it. It's only natural. I also get that they firmly believe that they are the only person in the house entitled to it. Because they all trample all over everyone else's privacy. Especially mine. I get it. It's only natural.

Unfortunately, I know from experience. Cause, when I was their age, I also snooped through the house. I knew where my mom's chocolate stash was. And I helped myself. Even though many years later I'd learn it was actually my dad's cache. I found out there was no Santa Claus when I poked through the attic. I found my my mom's hospital size maxi pads complete with belt and they were so confounding I demanded to know what they were. I regularly stole gum from my mom's purse and took coins from the jar to buy more gum. Then later in my early teens, I stole some of my dad's cigarettes. That's when I discovered I am in fact, a non-smoker, especially if they're menthol. I rummaged through my dad's closet and freely stole shirts and a suede jacket, convinced no one would know. But, duh, I was wearing them. I never claimed to be bright, by the way.

Looking back now, I guess was a petty thief back in the day. That must be why karma has come around insisting on paybacks.

It started out little. A rice krispy treat here. An m&m pack there. The gum I keep in the hidden zipper for run ins with acquaintances at the grocery store which always seem to occur the day after garlicy penne night gone missing. So, I reduced the amount of the treasures we had on hand. That's when it took a turn for the worse. Without as many kid friendly treats, they got desperate and started rummaging through the more sophisticated adult variety. Then, the dark chocolate wasabi bar disappeared. I was sure it was too mature for their sugared up taste buds and at most there would have been just a nibble gone. Or that maybe Craig had taken it and didn't tell me. But, that wasn't the case. One of the kids had endured hot wasabi in order to get their sugar fix on.

On the way home from Costa Rica, in the airport in Panama, I opened the secret compartment in my purse to dole out some gum to the kids for the flight. But, even though I was positive I didn't finish the pack, there wasn't any left. Not only that, the two emergency tampons I also keep in the not-so-secret secret compartment were mysteriously unwrapped. Which made this mystery very easy to solve. Because, only one of my kids would mistake a tampon for an elaborately wrapped secret stick of candy. And that's the only one who doesn't know what they are for. The youngest. The worst was yet to come.

A couple of weeks ago when my husband got home from work and went to change, he noticed things were a bit disheveled our closet. This isn't unusual, one of the kids likes to wear my high heels and belly dance costumes. But, that's not what was disturbed. It was a little black bag on the very top of my shelf that can't be seen unless you know it's there and use a chair to reach it. And now, it was haphazardly hanging off the top shelf. That's when one of my kids got the worst punishment that a kid can get. Knowing that your mother has a vibrator.



6 comments:

Miss Footloose | Life in the Expat Lane said...

Perfect last sentence; thanks for the laugh! Hope the culprit is not damaged for life.

Cerebrations.biz said...

I guess I was a more benign "borrower". I took the books my mom bought and read... Until my school wanted to know how I was able to purchase (and read) the Tropic of Cancer (Henry Miller)...

The Loerzels said...

@ Footloose-If it is who I think it is, this child was a force to be reckoned with long before this...
@ Roy-This explains a lot...

Sara said...

You have me rolling on the floor laughing!

The Loerzels said...

@ Sara-Do I have you locking up your treasures?

MuMuGB said...

Well, it is impossible to have any secrets from your kids, isn't it?
I loved rummaging in my parents cupboards. That's how I ended up playing with a condom when I was 7. I thought that it was incredibly funny. Everybody else was horrified.
So here is a tip for you: get yourself a safe!

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