Friday, November 11, 2011

London Calling Part 1



We pushed through the crowd and got on first. Pressured to make up for the lost time of the delayed arrival of the plane. Everyone had their instructions, grab a row and spread out. We must save four extra seats for our friends. They were near the back of the line. Finally we saw them and flagged them down, we arranged and rearranged the seating of all six kids until they were content, we buckled in and were ready for take off. London, here we come.

There is of course a story on how we decided to go to London. There is always a funny back story. You can find it here here . So after I bought the tickets and was telling my friend Claire about my awesome steal of a deal to England, guess what? Right, my steal of a deal was not a steal of a deal. But, the other thing is, coincidentally she also bought tickets for the exact same time on the same flights. Awe-some! So, we got together to make plans, which never actually got made because we just started chatting about other stuff and totally got distracted from the planning. Whatever. We'll figure it all out when we get there after all we've got a whole week to fill.

We crammed into our vinyl seats with our knees jammed into our chests. Cause we're flying Ryan Air, the deep airline discounter, which fits more seats into a smaller space than your average airline. And yes, that's totally possible. Trust me. Cause this is way crappier than your average airline. They cut a lot of those pesky corners like that pocket in the seat back that has magazines, a safety card and a barf bag. Really, that stuff isn't important right? But of course, it really is. Because by the time you know, like really know, you need to barf you're probably beyond time enough to hit the flight attendant call button to get them all the way from the back of the plane where they're talking about how short the other flight attendants skirt is and how she may or may not have stayed in the pilots hotel room last night. No, by then it's way too late and way too messy. And that's exactly what happened to at least 10 barfers, I mean passengers, on the plane. That does not include the pukers who miraculously made it to the airplane lavatory which is miraculously free. Note to Ryan Air: We can endure your chaotic open seating policy, your lack of leg room, your charging for everything in the cabin besides the air and the toilet (thank you for that by the way), but for the love of god can you charge and extra Euro with the price of a ticket and include a bag to hurl in at every seat?

This British guy behind us is incensed and he gets up and starts taking pictures of the vomit. But the thing is, he's loud, argumentative and obnoxious and his British accent isn't making him sound like any less of the jerk that he is. The flight attendants intervene and ask for his boarding pass, which he won't provide. Now you might way hey, isn't Ryan Air the only airline to have bikini clad calendar girls as flight attendants who pose on tropical beaches which Ryan Air doesn't fly to? Do they really take their job seriously? Yes. Yes, they do. When we land jerky British guy is escorted off the plane by the boobies, I mean bobbies.

The whole barf incident makes me want to rush to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I can't wait to get the the amazing apartment we rented for the week and scour my mouth with some industrial strength hygiene products, but I can't remember putting the toothbrushes into the luggage. And now it's midnight and the last thing I want to do is try to find a store that's open that sells toothbrushes and toothpaste. We file off the plane, go through customs and head to pick up our luggage at the carousel. We say goodbye to our friends who are headed up north for a few days to visit other friends. Then we step out into London or rather, the cow pasture way east of London that is Stansted Airport.

One of the following are true.

Did we forget the toothbrushes....

or was the apartment we rented a scam?

What's your vote?

To be continued...

15 comments:

Christine said...

Oh man I hope it's the toothbrushes! BTW- I hate Ryanair too- EasyJet is a little better but now they charge a fortune for non-UK bank cards so it becomes silly...anyway, can't wait to hear what happened. Hope you got to enjoy London cuz it really is a cool place.

Cerebrations.biz said...

Hmm. Given your propensity to not plan (and have discussion), and what i know about rental scams- I vote for BOTH!

Lalia said...

Oh my! It's already a comedy of errors so I hope it was only toothbrushes! As an aside, I flew for the first time in about 4 years or so a few weeks ago and wax pretty appalled at all the extra charges now, but seriously? No barf bags? WTF?

Leah Griffith said...

Oh my, I'm hoping that you at least had a nice room to go to! You are too funny! I am going to have to come back for more!
I have a story of my own, which I will not burden you with, but suffice it to say that we have a few things in common concerning recent travels.
;)
Leah

Thom Brown said...

Ah, the wonders of air travel - makes you wonder what the Wright Brothers would think. They had no barf bags either, but then again they could just vomit into the wind.

I hoping also that it's the truth brush but can't wait for part two.

MuMuGB said...

Well Marie, I hope that your way back to Rabat was more uneventful than your way to London! As for Ryanair, I always swear that I am never going to fly with them any longer, but I always end up choosing them because the time of the service suits me better/ they arrive at a closer airport...
I know the answer to your question but will not spoil the surprise. How brave of you to travel with 4 kids (I can barely manage 2!). It was a pleasure to see you guys in London!

Dangerous Linda said...

omg -- sounds truly like a nightmare! i cannot even stand to contemplate .... YUKKY!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Somehow when I read the line about getting to "the amazing apartment we rented for the week," a little warning bell rang. I'm thinking it was might not have been amazing in the good sense. I do hope you had a good time in London, though.

Jan said...

I tend to agree with Blissed -Out Grandma, I had a bell go off as well at the mention of your amazing apartment.i really hope it was the toothbrushes. Hope you had a wonderful time despite all the chaos.

Late Bloomers said...

Alas, for windows to open on a plane! You make it sound so funny, Ryan Air should give you a lifelong free ticket to all their glorious destinations, pasture or not!

We were once in a Cessna flying to the Masai Masa when my daughter had to go the bathroom (yes, I know ...) but there are no toilets in a Cessna, so guess what? Yes, the barf thingies came into good use. And on the flight back filled with too much extra rich chocolate cake - yes, the barf bag again, but a new one.

Oh no, do not tell us that the appartment or was it the toothbrushes?

TexaGermaFinlaNadian said...

Ew ew ew ew ew, what a flight! Nastiness. Ryan Air is cheap, but I don't think I will ever fly them again. So super crowded. Hope ya'll are having a great time in jolly ol' London!

Penelope J. said...

Sounds worse than dicey charter flights in the 60s. Way worse. Maybe Ryan Air will start putting barf bags on seats as even staff must complain. I've heard to avoid Ryan Air like the plague.

As for your comedy of errors, I hate to say but I think it's more likely that it carried over and you ended that day in a dismal rental scam. BTW, you can always buy toothbrushes and basics at airports.

MarieHarmony said...

This was so funny Mary, sorry I imagine it was not for you.........but definitely it is SO Ryanair, your descriptions are perfect.
I don't like much travelling with them, but to be true my choices are little cause it's the only airline that does Dublin-Nantes. So we always say we are happy about them, cause if it takes them the envy to cancel the route, our trip home will last more tan flying to New York. So We Love Ryanair!!!

Obvious - you forgot the toothbrushes! Classic!

Joy Page Manuel said...

Oh my, I only have two choices??? I was kind of hoping the whole barfing incident wasn't true either....! Can't wait to read the next one!

Samantha Bangayan said...

Yikes! The barfing has me remembering one of the worst overnight busrides from Lima to Huancayo where three children were crying and barfing the whole way up the mountain. No one could sleep and passengers were shouting at the children's parents.

Now, I get what Muriel meant when she talked about how amazing it is that you can travel with all your children. I really gotta learn from your relaxed attitude! =)

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