Been wondering how to shed those unwanted pounds? Here are just a few secrets of Moroccan women...
1. Whatcha gonna eat?
You know how when you go through the grocery store in the states there are so many temptations in virtually every aisle? Mouth watering at those Boulder chips? Nope, don't have them here. Skittles? Nope don't have those either. Those dangerously cute brownie bites? Nope. Heath bars? Nope. Honey Combs? Pop tarts? Reese's cups? No. No. No. Lack of selection= lack of temptation. Voila!
2. Portion control
Ahhhhhh...America home to Sam's Club, Costco or BJ's and other places where things come in humongous quantities. You can buy 36 packs of "snack" size Doritos, when all you really need is one. Why not? They'll just sit innocently in the cupboard until you're ready for it. (Yeah, right.) Grocery shopping in Mococco couldn't be more different. The portions are ridiculously small. So in the opposite of the Wholesale club mentality I feel like a glutton buying two bags of chips (which is what it would take for a family of 6 to share with some sandwiches). Instead I'm guilted into believing I'm a food whore by buying so many "portions" of it. Do I have to buy each juice box individually? Really? I'm a lazy American. Are you telling me I need to figure out how many I really need and not just buy the super sized patriotic American overindulgent size? This is too much work, I'm just getting one....ahhhh....maybe I don't even need juice after all.
3. Junk food
Junk food here really is junky. Seriously. Sweet crappy foods are really sweet and really crappy in Morocco. In America we have tons of junk food that we try to disguise as health food. Here in Morocco the junk food is junky. No disguises. There are no "12 essential vitamins and minerals", "low fat", "whole grain" or any other such proclamation on the package. It is what it is. Buy it or don't, but no one is going to try to fool you into believing it's good for you. Here the junky food is so gross even my kids are turned off at alot of the snack options here, especially the junky Moroccan cereals. My kids hate them. And I think that says ALOT! Can we get a granola bar puuulllleaaaaaasse, at least maybe they get an oat with all that sugar.
4. Loss of appetite
If the lamb's head in the meat department, the bugs (and bug zappers) in the produce department, chicken poop that comes on your eggs don't make you loose your appetite....well what in the world will?
5. But where is it?
When I first moved here to Morocco I couldn't find anything in the grocery store and that stuff always seemed like it was in a different location. That's cause it is! That is Moroccan theft protection. Thieves can't steal the canned tomatoes that they can't find. And guess what? Neither can you! So are they out of canned tomatoes (this happens frequently here) or merely in a different location? Who knows! So you have a choice....do without or burn some more calories looking for them. Either way it's a win-win for you!
5. Slow food
You know how tempting it is to stop at your favorite fast food joint and grab something to go. It's quick, it's cheap, it's efficient. Nothing is quick and efficient here. And if you've ever had the Moroccan version of Mexican food....well....you won't do that twice. Nuff said.
6. Adopt a friend to help you
Just not dropping the pounds yet? Adopt a parasite. If you're still ingesting food that doesn't mean you need to digest it! Simply don't wash your produce well enough and a little friend will come induce some sweet intestinal distress.
As a last resort, camouflage. Throw on your billowy shapeless djellaba. No one knows what size you are under that thing. And when it's 90 and above and your whole body and head are covered you're gonna sweat....and as you know....water weight IS weight.
How will you know if this works? When you try to walk into the grocery store and you don't weigh enough to make the automatic doors open even while eating a sticky gooey orange croissant and you have to wait for a large man to come along with a cart to "rescue" you. Proof your Moroccan diet is working! (And you've had too much fresh organic produce and your intestines are inflicting their swift and uncomfortable justice upon you). True story.