Knee Deep

I don't bruise easily.  I know this because I've fallen out of a moving car onto a busy boulevard, from a tree house that collapsed with the weight of too many kids, I was rammed directly into a cement wall by a roller derby girl who generously outweighed me and I repeatedly throw my own body onto a metal pole.  So, when I achieve a bruise, a glorious, majestic, well earned bruise, please know even if it appears minuscule and faint,  it hurts like a bitch.  LIKE A BITCH I SAID.

I've learned a lot of new pole moves lately, but the ones that really intrigue me at the moment are knee holds.  Funny thing about knees, they have no meat in which to cushion the blow.  It's like getting a tattoo on your toe.  Bad to the bone.  Unless it's on the underside, then it's like getting a tattoo in your arm pit.  Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

After several attempts, I finally got the hang of the knee hold.  Literally, hanging off the pole to the side, holding on only with my knees.  One pushing, one pulling.  No hands.  OWWWWW!  After doing it once successfully, I knew it had to go into my pole routine for the recital. Which meant, to do it just one measly time during the routine, I would need to practice it over.  And over.  And over.  OWWWWW^10!  If I ever need a knee replacement, I think I'll know the reason.

The recital was last night.  The video is dark and grainy.  (Sorry about that.)  But, see if you can spot the knee hold.  And just take a second to appreciate that I am knee deep in pain.  Cause it hurts like a bitch.  LIKE A BITCH I SAID.



For the next recital I might focus on armpit holds.  Do you even know how much it hurts to hold all your body weight in an armpit?  For example, this move is called the teddy bear.

Although pole dancers often use the slang terminology 'grizzly bear' for this move.  You may have guessed, it's because it hurts like a bitch.  HURTS LIKE A BITCH I SAID!