I'm a Physicist

Photo credit:  www.salarycomparision.com

I've never taken a physics class, but somehow I accidentally became a physicist anyhow.  Despite the fact that I'm abominable at math and science.  I'm not even qualified to help my 5th grader with her math homework or science project.  Unless in this day and age of participation trophies "F" stands for fabulous.  And not to brag, but I'm completely fabulous at failing.  Especially as a physicist.

When I started pole dancing, I thought it was going to be all fun and games.  And it was, at first.  A few spins here and a booty pop there.  It challenged my non-existent grace and showmanship.  And still does.  And, god knows, attempting to dance in heels, which I can barely even walk in, would send me to the hospital.  So, I do have firmly established boundaries for things outside my skill set that I should never, ever attempt.

As I got stronger and more advanced, I started to gravitate to more difficult pole tricks that I realized required *gulp* physics.   Many of them look damn near impossible.  But, I've done some of them, so I know it's not only strength that matters, but also strategy.  In short, it's physics.  Like this trick called "Miracle" I did over the summer.

And no, this is not photoshopped, I really did make that face.

So last week, I decided it was time to try the pole dance move that every pole dancer aspires to.   The one that marks your debut into being taken seriously in pole fitness.  The Iron X.   Which looks something like this...

...only less purple in real life.  Obviously.

So I put on some kick ass music and then, I gave myself an extensive pep talk.

  You're strong enough to do this!  

You can do this!  

It's all just physics!

Remember the trajectory equation!

Wait, maybe you should pre-dial 911 just in case...  

The result was more Mangled K than Iron X.  Because I forgot to factor in the fact that I have the torso of someone who's 6 feet tall, with the legs of someone 5 feet tall, putting my center of gravity that much further from the pole, making it that much harder to hold.  Not to mention my inflexibility to straddle that leg down instead of out.  I'm no mathematician, but if you put the wrong factors into the equation to solve for x, of course you're going to wind up with special k.  Duh.

But, with time, effort and determination, I can solve this, 

because I'm a physicist*.  
*I never claimed to be a successful physicist.

In case you wonder how I got into that position, here's a short, grainy video...