I hate awards and awards shows. And I hate trophies. I have no trust in the powers that be that classify and quantify those things. Because they're usually based on popularity. Which I also abhor. I find popular culture and it's icons vacant and vacuous. It's not that I'm not competitive, because I am. I'm just not playing the same game, because I'm only competing against myself.
I'm in a marathon game of solitaire.
But sometimes, I forget that for short periods of time. Usually because of some outside pressure. And it usually starts with an extremely well meaning person and the words, "You should...". That's when I consider the options that I've considered so many times before. Should I market my writing more? Should I compete in pole dance competitions? Should I give up writing altogether and teach pole dance? Should I forget about all that and become a river rafting guide?
My head clouded with competing thoughts.
The very same thoughts I've cycled through so many times before. Resulting in the very same conclusion I've come to so many times before, I'm right on track. A convoluted, zig zagging path of authenticity and substance. I don't need numbers or awards to validate me. All I need is to be true to myself, striving to be just a bit better in some way than the day before. All while keeping my life in balance. And you know what?
Turns out, I'm a pretty fierce competitor.
Is it bad that I cheat in solitaire?
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how punishing it must be to compete against your awesome self. But either way, you get the win.
ReplyDelete@joeh-Well you're only cheating yourself right?
ReplyDelete@Nancy-Thank you so much!