Pretty Little Liars

Every kid lies.  It's just when they're little it's almost kinda cute.  Like when my youngest wrote her name in sharpie pen on the kitchen table and then denied it when I asked her about it.  But, when they get older and the lies get bigger and more malicious.  Like when they learn to write their sibling's name on the furniture in sharpie pen.    And then they evolve into teens and learn how to deceive you, while trying to make it sound like they're mature.  While using their expansive words to completely bullshit you.  While you're just hoping that their expansive vocabulary is reflected in their SAT scores. 

It's like they don't know that I have a whole degree in bullshit.  

Because no one is a better lie detector than a liar.  And I confess I've done my fair share.  Telling my mom I was going one place when I was going another.  Like that time I skipped swimming lessons and rode my bike to the park instead.  It didn't occur to me that I'd be caught on the technicality of returning home with dry hair.  Which in hindsight was a stupid rookie mistake, which could have been easily rectified at the park water fountain.  Duh.  I could recount many such stories, but the list is way too long to um...list.  But, suffice it to say I get it, because I did it.  All of it.  

Unfortunately, it doesn't make it anymore palatable to be lied to.  

In fact, it might even make it worse.  Cause then you just have to assume that your kids think you're idiotic enough to buy the lies they're selling.  Which just really pisses you off as a parent.  As does the fact that the more kids you have, the more kids you have to suspect and confront.  And thus, the more complicated it is to determine the exact involvement of each suspect.   It's like I have to Sherlock Holmes everything, like who didn't flush their dookie in the toilet.  Or zip up the cheese.  Turn off the lights downstairs, etc.  All these stupid and ridiculous things,  even though they're teenagers.  I just assume at any given moment of any given day, at least one of my kids is lying to me.  

And I'd be a pretty little liar too if I didn't admit...

 that paybacks are a bitch.