Gettin' Dirty

When I last left you, I was feeling a bit down.  But, don't worry, that's all turned around.  Not because I got a literary agent mind you.  Because I didn't.   But, because of you, my faithful readers, who wrote sent me kind messages of support. And no matter if I get an agent, a publisher or not, I will publish my book my damn self if I have to.  Eventually.

 I'm playin' dirty now!  No more Ms. Half-Canadian Nicegirl. Which means, I'm totally whoring it up with photos, especially on Twitter!  Ok, not totally slutty.  Semi-whoring, that's befitting of a 43 year old wife and a mother of four with the goal of promoting my writing.  So, sexy-funny-with a purpose, yes.  Sexy-gratuitous-stupid with a floater in the toilet in the background, no.

Please notice, there is no floater in my toilet!

So last week I  wasted countless hours trying to accumulate my Twitter following.  But increasing my following three-fold isn't all I accomplished last week.  No, I've stepped up my pole dance game.  And have mastered two new moves I couldn't do last week.  Ok, "mastered" might not be the word.  But I can do them half-assed with a really pained wince on my face, so of course, I've added them to my routine. For my recital in just two weeks time.  I have the bruises all over my legs and feet as proof of my extra practice hours.  But, courtesy of that stupid Canadian mail order pharmacy, I also have a blister that resembles a vagina!

See!  You know it does!

And let me just confirm that whacking your toe-gina on a pole is painful, but getting your vagina is excruciating.  I contemplated popping it.  The toe-gina, for clarification.  But, I new that sucker was going to pop on it's own.  When we did the Dirty Dash.  Another fantastic photo op to whore it up on Twitter.  But, unfortunately, though I was completely covered in mud, I'm so pale, it just made me look tan.  With that perfect olive skin tone I've always wanted.

Damn it, I got out dirtied!

So, I had to crop Craig out of the Twitter picture, because he totally looks dirtier than me and my caption "I'm a very dirty girl" just didn't work with him in it either.

But, by far, the dirtiest thing that happened this week didn't have anything to do with any of this.  And this is where it turns sinister.

It happened to Sky, who in his first week of high school, witnessed his first drug deal right in front of his locker. In the form of a big white brick.  It seems Heroin may be the school song.   But my theme song is Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. Let this be a warning to all the drug dealers,  don't fuck with my kids cause I haven't even begun to get dirty yet!