Earning My Stripes

Ever since we've been back in the states, coming up on a year now, I've noticed an unusual and alarming trend.  Like most things, it started off subtle.  So subtle I didn't notice it for quite some time.  Until one day it smacked me in the face.  Funny,  it seemed like any other day.  Except it was the day I realized I was wearing stripes from head to toe.  Shirt, socks, underwear and purse.

For years my wardrobe consisted of black and grey and all the tantalizing colors that you can make by mixing the two together.  Namely carbon, charcoal, ink, onyx, raven, iron, ash, smoke, lead and the list goes on to other depressing non-color colors.  This may have been a reflection of my inner turmoil and angst.  Or my deep desire to be invisible and blend in.  Or just a post traumatic garanimals matching melt down milieu.  Or just all of the above.

Now, I get most of my colorful stripey clothes at the thrift store.  So, I figure not only am I contributing to charity, I'm also a charity case.  Obviously, the previous owner of whatever clothing item I just purchased got rid of it for a reason.  That reason may be that it's out of fashion.  Or it could be that it's completely hideous.    But,  before you report me to What Not to Wear....

...you should know I buy my stripey intimates new!  NEW, I said!

The thing is, either way, I don't care anymore.  I HAVE EARNED MY STRIPES!  So on any given day I may be wearing 2 or even 3 layers of stripes.  Thank god some are more covert so as to not visually assault the naked eye.  But some days I look very Where's Waldo.

So what if this is an extra large child's shirt with puffy cap sleeves?

I just spared a child from being unfashionable and mocked in middle school for wearing this shirt!  I'm positive that said child, whoever she may be, has a phone way more modern than my piece of crap Walmart phone too.  I bet she can actually see the buttons on her phone without getting her reading glasses out so her texts don't make her look completely stupid and or drunk.   And let me just add, I really, really hope she's not sexting.

Suicide shoes

Just so you know, I do have standards.  And my standards say I don't buy new colorful stripey shoes from a real store that will surely lead to my untimely death.