Dr. Scholl's Sasquatch Surprise

It was half way through the flight and half way through my book when the pilot came on over the intercom. "The weather has deteriorated. There is a 50% chance we might be diverted. To Idaho." Which with my travel curse means I'll be stuck in a hotel room in Boise watching That 70's Show reruns all weekend because the book store will be closed for inventory. Unless it's a water main break. It was clear to me that I wasn't going to end up in Salt Lake City for my sister Kathy's surprise 50th birthday party.

Except, surprise, I did! Which leads me to believe that I'm not the one who's travel cursed after all. It's definitely one of the kids or Craig. And clearly, I'll take a flight every Friday to prove that fact. So what if I almost got into the car of a total stranger, who was not my sister's friend, Debbie, at the airport. She seemed really friendly though. And as I tell the kids, almost doesn't count.

After spending a lovely day with Debbie, Kathy finally arrived for her party. Yes, she was surprised. I think all of us were all surprised how much she looked like Elton John circa 1975 in these glasses we made her wear. We did let her take them off, but we should have made her perform Crocodile Rock first. Or better yet, her and I could have done a duet to Don't Go Breaking My Heart singing into a hairbrush like we used to in our bedroom. Hairbrush duets usually occurred right after I gave her a make over and right before she promised me a back rub that she never gave me. My pet rock was a witness to all of this by the way.

I don't know if it was all the nostalgia about the good ole' days or if it was the champagne, but that night I had a dream. That I was in hand to hand combat with a Sasquatch. A dwarf Sasquatch. I couldn't wait to tell my sister the next morning the way you do when you have a crazy ass dream. She was still in disbelief that I was there in Salt Lake City, and that we could chat face to face about really important things like big foot and whether I could take him out with my right hook or not. (She believes I can. Did I mention she's a really optimistic person that she has these delusions I'm really much more talented than I am?)

We spent the rest of the weekend shopping at second hand stores, eating fried food, drinking Bourbon and talking about bell bottoms and earth shoes. Ok, I don't think earth shoes ever came up. I did have a pair back in the day, but what I really wanted was a pair of Dr. Scholl's like my sister had. My mom said I was too young for them and I was so jealous. Only now can I admit, I was also way too tomboyish and klutsy to pull them off the way my sister did. She would pair them with a cute halter top and shorts and walk to her job Friendly's in them. Of course, when she got there she had to wear a hideous polyester uniform and hairnet. Which to me was like sweet revenge. Because she'd also buy me a Reese's Pieces Sundae from time to time.

The day of my return flight home, we went snow shoeing. Thank god I didn't shave my legs so I had an extra layer of insulation because it was about 10 degrees outside. This is where I coined the phrase "snotcicle".

My feet looked really big in the equipment. Which reminded me that big foot does live in these parts and I never did finish him off. The dream simply ended too soon.

But, if you look, you can see the shadow of Sasquatch in this photo. Ok, so that's my brother-in-law Jim, not big foot. I think this picture just foreshadows me buying a pair of Dr. Scholl's. And Kathy's right, I can take a Sasquatch. So, if I ever have that dream again, I now know how to finish him off. All I have to do is ninja kick in his direction and those wooden shoes would fly right off and knock him right in the head and on his ass. But, the chances of a Sasquatch rematch are probably as good as getting those retro back rubs I'm due.