Doggie Style

Yesterday I had a whole different post lined up for today. I was not going to write about the dogs for the 3rd time in a row. Lest you start thinking this is a dog blog. Which it's not. But, then last night the funniest thing happened. Unless it's the grossest thing. You decide.

It was a night like any other, making dinner, carting the kids to activities, interrogating them about homework, making sure the dogs got walked and the kids brushed their teeth and got to bed. Getting them to bed is one thing. Getting them to sleep is a much longer process that usually involves several trips upstairs to shush them. And as our kids get older, they stay up later. But as we get older, we want to go to bed earlier. Which doesn't leave us a lot of *ahem* alone time together. If you know what I mean.

Last night was one of those rare exceptions. Sure everyone was asleep, we snuck upstairs to our own bedroom for a little adult time. Careful not to make any loud noises that would wake anyone on the way up. We started with a little foreplay. In the form of brushing our teeth and taking that last pee before bed. After that, it was all on. And we were getting busy. Quietly, of course.

Then things got crazy. In a moment of intense passion, I felt a wet nose on my leg. Clyde, the dog, had jumped up into bed and wanted in on the action. But, I am not that freaky. And I'm not into three ways. The whole thing was a little shaming. And I couldn't look him in the eye when I banished him from the mattress. I thought the worst was over. But, of course, it wasn't.

With Bonnie, his companion, asleep in the other room, feeling a little frisky, I guess he felt like he had no choice but to go it alone. By licking himself. Loudly and furiously. My bedroom sounded like a porn set, as my dog gave himself a blow job. I called his name and begged him to stop. But, that just made him lick faster. Until finally, he was done and dozed off. I guess that's just how it's done, doggie style.