Lychees, Crazy Camp Dog and a Cocktail

We had been traveling and camping through South Africa for two days before we go to Hazy View. We'd seen Mr. Penis Tail elephant, bestowed our sympathies on the mangy lion and Faith coined the phrase awk-weird. But, we also learned the camping routine. Waking up ridiculously early, dismantling the tent, cooking breakfast, cleaning up after breakfast, packing everything up into the trailer, loading into the van and driving for a few ours before stopping to make lunch and cleaning up from lunch, getting back in the car, arriving at camp, pitching the tent, making dinner, cleaning up after dinner. And starting all over again the next day.



The directions from the gps took us down a narrow dirt path through a lychee grove. I'm not sure which was more ripe the fruit on the trees or the smell emanating from a van full of sunscreen and mosquito repellent-drenched unshowered campers. I'm going with us though. We were told we could eat as many lychees as we wanted. That is a dangerous invitation.



We pitched our tents under the trees. Well, those of of who weren't climbing the trees and stuffing our faces with lychee. I won't name any names...



Oh and I didn't mean Faith and I. This was our post setting up tents water break. I swear!



After all the work was done, we headed to the rock pool on the other side of camp. We meandered past the bush camp's cooks starting dinner that we were invited to.



We headed down the pathway.



Past the stream.



To the shaded rock pool, the coolest place ever.



Even though we had cooled off and rinsed off, we still all needed a shower. And just like everything else in camp, the shower was located directly under a lychee tree. Which means you could shower and eat lychee at the same time. If you were coordinated. But that would be awk-weird.



The toilets were also on the open-air-under-a-lychee tree concept. So you could eat a lychee fruit and shit it out all at the same time. And when you eat as much lychee as we did, this is truly convenient.



With the open-ness of the bathroom situation and the maze of lychee trees I'm very glad that they have helpful markers to clearly indicate which bathroom is the men's and which is the women's.

You simply look at the carved statues located just outside the facilities to compare parts...



Nope. I don't have those parts. Holy hell! No one has parts like THAT. Clearly this statue was carved by a man. A very, very delusional man. With man boobs. Wait, unless it's a hermaphrodite. Whatever it is, I'm positive I do not belong in that bathroom.



Clearly, this is the bathroom for me. This statue was definitely carved by a woman, because if a man carved it it would have had bigger boobs. I also think it's a bit obvious that she had a little Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Cause do you see the third nipple disguised as a belly button?



So after all our parts were clean, excluding the third nipple of course. We headed to the camp's shop where I bought the biggest/funkiest/cool earrings I have ever seen that make me look like I belong in an African tribe somewhere.



By this time, it's happy hour at the camp's bar. We are served Hazy View's famous cocktail. The recipe is so tightly guarded I can't tell you what's in it and the owner is right there on the right in the picture checking her e-mail.

Ok. Come here. Shhhhhhhhhhh. So it's coconut rum mixed with 7 Up. And I know, you're like that sounds good. And you want to go check the dark recesses of your liquor cabinet right now to see if you have some old coconut rum back from that party a few years ago when your friend Beverly brought it and her new boyfriend Travis over. I also know you'd rather forget that night, but can't.

Go ahead. Check to see if you can find it. It's ok, I'll wait.



In enters crazy camp dog. Actually, crazy camp dog has been hanging around the whole time. And I know you're like awwww....look he's so cute. And he's sitting calmly while Sky pets him. Yeah, that's because crazy camp dog likes everyone except Ember. Whom he despises and barks at incessantly and until he gets hit with a shoe. (Before there are any animal rights groups after me, the owner whacked him, not me (or Ember).



Now it's time for dinner. Local delicacies like chicken livers, chicken heads and feet. Yum. Oh and we ate with our hands.



And I can confirm that I don't like chicken livers or chicken heads and feet. But the beets, spinach, sweet potatoes and chicken drumsticks were totally delicious.



Then it was time for the dancing to begin.



This was just the first dance. It got better. But I don't have any footage of that. But trust me, it was amazing. And then at the end of their performance. They pulled me up on stage to dance with them. Thank god there is no footage of that. I mean too bad of course. But, I wasn't good enough. And this is her kicking me out of their African dance troupe.



I think I know why too. It was clear to me from looking at the other dancers that there were two things I just didn't have. Two very big things that everyone else had and I didn't. And they weren't the big tribal earrings I just bought...



Next up in the continuing safari series, Botswana. Stay tuned.