Not only am I a pathetic gift giver, I'm also terrible at receiving gifts. Especially if the gift comes in the form of a compliment. Those are the worst and I'll make you take it back. The thing is, I'm both a little bit picky and a lotta bit practical. Flowers? They're expensive for something that's going to die in 3 days. Jewelry? I'm not going to wear it. A spa gift card? I'll regift it to someone who actually likes spa treatments.
It's not that I'm a bitch,
I just really don't want gifts.
I just really don't want gifts.
Unless you can gift me my teenage metabolism back. Or make my kids pick up after themselves. And I'm talking every day, not just on Mother's Day. Not that they'll do that on Mother's Day either, mind you. Although, if I were presented with a trip to Bali, I wouldn't pass that up. Because an experience is the best thing you can get or give. A girl can dream, can't she?
Two years ago on Mother's Day my husband got me an Amazon Echo. Which was a fantastic idea on my husband's part. Except that, it doesn't follow any of my commands. (Just like my kids.) So, I end up shouting "Alexa" over and over before I start shouting obscenities, until I finally unplug it. Last year, my husband got me a foot bath to soak my feet in. Which I just took offense to. Are you telling me my feet are gross? Also, I'm going to have to clean the thing out after every time I use it, so obviously, I'm not going to use it. Because I'm lazy and it's just one more obligation. Not that my husband didn't try, he did. Wait...maybe I am a bitch.
Anyway, this year, I bought my own Mother's Day gift. I was shopping at Costco when I saw it. They were on display, all shiny and beautiful. And with a manufacturer's instant rebate for $35 off too. New stainless steel pots. And there's no way my husband could've bought them for me. Because if he did, he'd be considered sexist. Same as if he got me a vacuum or a blender. But, if I buy them for myself for Mother's Day, I'm a fiercely independent, post-modern feminist. The irony isn't lost on me. Maybe next year I should get myself a cast iron Dutch oven even.
But, really my fondest Mother's Day wish is that buying my own gift means that my husband will buy himself his own gift for Father's Day. Oh, well...that and world peace. But, I think world peace is always implied.
Two years ago on Mother's Day my husband got me an Amazon Echo. Which was a fantastic idea on my husband's part. Except that, it doesn't follow any of my commands. (Just like my kids.) So, I end up shouting "Alexa" over and over before I start shouting obscenities, until I finally unplug it. Last year, my husband got me a foot bath to soak my feet in. Which I just took offense to. Are you telling me my feet are gross? Also, I'm going to have to clean the thing out after every time I use it, so obviously, I'm not going to use it. Because I'm lazy and it's just one more obligation. Not that my husband didn't try, he did. Wait...maybe I am a bitch.
Anyway, this year, I bought my own Mother's Day gift. I was shopping at Costco when I saw it. They were on display, all shiny and beautiful. And with a manufacturer's instant rebate for $35 off too. New stainless steel pots. And there's no way my husband could've bought them for me. Because if he did, he'd be considered sexist. Same as if he got me a vacuum or a blender. But, if I buy them for myself for Mother's Day, I'm a fiercely independent, post-modern feminist. The irony isn't lost on me. Maybe next year I should get myself a cast iron Dutch oven even.
But, really my fondest Mother's Day wish is that buying my own gift means that my husband will buy himself his own gift for Father's Day. Oh, well...that and world peace. But, I think world peace is always implied.
1 comment:
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