Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Antisocial Personality Disorder




I'm antisocial. I always have been. It's not that I don't like people. In fact it's just the opposite. I'm amazed by people. But I'm a watcher as opposed to an engager. I value your time, so I don't want to take it up by chattering on. Plus, I've never really been capable of chattering on anyhow. While I can string coherent thoughts together in writing, I'm abysmal and extremely awkward at doing the same verbally. And I've spent most of my life believing that I'm invisible. And really just realized in the last few years I'm not.

Damn it.

Because I've always found comfort in invisibility. Or I used to. From a very early age I knew exactly how to fly under the radar. To do things both efficiently and well, but, yet go unnoticed. Taking the minimum effort route to the greatest result, but insuring my aloofness at the same time. I, of course, had no idea at the timet that's what I was doing. Or that I was doing it to shield myself and everyone else from my glaring imperfections. Because the biggest fear of a perfectionist is being exposed for who we truly are. Imperfectionists. And perfectionists don't need to ask for help, imperfectionists do.

Damn it.

Now I've outgrown my invisibility cloak. Not that I don't still long to wear it. I do, but it doesn't work anymore. A piece of me always pokes out. Sometimes I crouch to try to make it cover me. Ok, I do that a lot actually. But lately I'm trying to slowly and painfully yank it off myself. Which I'm sure makes me look more like I have multiple personalities than antisocial tendencies.

So while I've started on this path to become a writer, I figured out something. While my craft is sitting alone with my thoughts and writing them down, the path to a successful career is going to involve *gulp* socializing with people. Which completely terrifies me. And the other thing? I'm going to need help to get there.

Damn it.

So here's the moment I need to choke the words out. (Insert deep breath here.) I need help. There. I said it. While I'm starting to figure out this whole taking my writing to the next level and writing a book, I need your support.

How can you do that?

You can just keep reading.

If you like something you read, you can share it.

If I start posting less often, hopefully you can forgive me.

You can like my Facebook page.

You can send me an encouraging comment.

Holy crap! Ok, I did it. I asked for help. That wasn't so painful. Thank god I didn't have to stand up in front of you and say it in person completely naked without my cloak.

But, that's therapy for another session. Cause time's up for today!



11 comments:

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Three pieces of good news. One, many writers are introverts. It's what enables us to sit and write for hours on end. Most of the process of getting the book accepted and published is done using written communication, so no problem. Two, when the time comes to do media interviews and signings, someone can help prepare you for that. Three, your readers and followers will be more than happy to provide support along the way. You go girl.

Leah Griffith said...

Marie, I love how you throw yourself out there and then try to run and hide, leaving your parts poking out! LOL!! Get that big toe in there!

I'm sort of an introvert. Sometimes it's painful to socialize. I do best one on one or when sequestered to a quiet corner of the world with my laptop or a book. I have a book-signing coming up and when I think about it I turn into a nervous wreck. Therefore...I do not allow myself to think about it. I just do it. Fake it till you make it is my motto!

I am at your service my dear. You shy little thing you! LOL!! You're going to do fine because you're fricken' amazing!!

Barbara said...

I, too, am an aspiring writer, wanting to learn more--and a blogger and was an expat for awhile, which started me blogging. Take a look at this link: https://continuingstudies.stanford.edu/writingcertificate/intro.php
It's a great program from Stanford University in their Continuing Education section--not leading to a degree. I'm partway through their Creative Nonfiction Writing certificate program, and I am learning so much from it, as well as benefiting from the discipline of regular assignments and deadlines. All online, so you could do it from Morocco. They have stopped the non-fiction track now, but still have a novel writing program. Seven 10-week courses completed over two years. The quality of instruction is very high. You have to compete to get in, so your classmates, who will review your work (and you theirs) are all talented writers.

Cerebrations.biz said...

So now would be a great time, Marie, to get yourself a twitter account. That way you can see who/what is being said- and you can also notify potential readers of your wonderful thoughts.

The Loerzels said...

@BOG-You're write. I mean right. And thanks for your continued support.
@Leah-Was going to write you a long message with a million questions yesterday. Don't worry...it's coming still!
@ Barbara-I'm going to have to check that out.
@Roy-Twitter scares the crap out of me! I can barely keep up with Facebook. Actually this post was going to include social media. But sometimes my posts don't go where I originally intend them to.

wtspb2007 said...

I'll be one of your biggest cheerleaders!!

SherilinR said...

i wrote about feeling invisible myself in my last post. some days i miss the cloak, but mostly i don't.
much luck, happy writing and may you find exactly the person you need who can lead you toward your next goal.

Travelin' GRITS said...

You have totally got this, Marie! I mean, really! And from the looks of the previous comments you are going to have more suggestions than you could possibly investigate! From all over the globe, you have a huge support group, and everyone wishes you well! Stick with it!

Gary said...

I just stumbled across your blog the other day while looking for something else, as usual (and it wasn't The Clash!).

I'm thoroughly enjoying your writing and the variety of topics you cover as I explore past entries. I'm not much of a blog reader, but when I find one that's well-written and as engaging as yours, it gets my attention. I don't think you'll have any trouble getting a book out the door once you find a topic and dig in.

In fact, the process of researching for a book might be a good way to unleash your inner chatterbox. As Christina aptly pointed out in her 5/22 comment on The Therapy Sessions, "People love to talk about themselves". If your chosen topic involves gathering information from others, the "interview" might be a good starting point to get a dialog going and get some good source material in your notebook.

Best of luck with your quest!

I'll keep reading if you'll keep writing.

The Loerzels said...

@ wtspb2007-A very mysterious thank you to you!
@SherilinR-I do love to Laugh my Abs off so thanks for mentioning your blog!
@ Janice-Thanks for all your support!
@Gary-I don't often ask people how they come across my blog, but it's always interesting to hear. Thanks for the encouraging words. By the way, my first boyfriend's name was Gary. Which has nothing to do with anything.

Janine said...

Haha this is SOOOOOO true! Talk about uncomfortability!

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